SOS Day…Serendipity, Omens, and Sedulity

No, I am not signaling that I need urgent help. Even despite using the word omen in my synonym. What I am doing, is exploring the words that are circling my thoughts today.  Did you know that omens can be good things?  Typically people come to know this word meaning to foreshadow bad things, but it can also be a foreshadowing of good things.  So, today, my mind is circling around these words, explore them for a few moments with me.

A quick preface first. I am still away from home, and still going through all my belongings, largely left outside under tarps and in piles. The majority of my furniture is in storage, thankfully, but my boxes and bins with belongings have been mostly outside for 2-3 years. Now I know you’re wondering why in the world my stuff would be outside. Still coming out of my shell, I will only briefly say, for now, I underwent numerous tragedies and losses in my life, and lost my home and had to relocate across country. A wonderful friend took me in, but much of my belongings outside of my furniture had to be stored on the property under tarps and such as I had no place else to store, and no financial means. For more detail, see my post on peace. Suffice to say, and summing up, I am in the process of moving up North to be with the love of my life, and I have come back here to go through my things. I have had to be here at least three months now to take on this task. Its been monumental and draining.  Everything from mold to bugs to weather has tried to stand in my way.  But, there is an upside here, as there always is if you look for it. I am enduring AND transcending.

So, with that prefaced, let’s just say after a few months of this, missing my sweetheart, my other kitty waiting home for me (Milo is here with me, he goes with me everywhere,)  and being utterly worn out, this morning I was searching for strength and momentum.  And don’t  laugh but (okay, you can laugh because it’s kind of funny, and true) when I am looking for inspiration, one of the many things I do, is plug in search terms on Pinterest.

Serendipity:

Today I woke up way later than I wanted, had a migraine, sinus congestion, and worn down, not wanting to go on anymore (with this task.) It has been very cold out lately, unseasonably so for this area, and very hard to work in, as my fingers begin to freeze. So, as I sipped my first cup of coffee, I plugged these words, “how to get going,” into Pinterest. I like to reflect on how other people interpret thoughts, ideas, and words. It helps me explore my own. And I love to use this tool, as it’s very visual. I am such a tactile person. So can you guess what the returns were?  Can you guess what the VERY first return was? It was an image with a white background, and black text only words, with these words: “KEEP GOING, YOU ARE GETTING THERE.” Text only image of that! Can the answer be any more clear? I kid you not, go over to Pinterest and type in those words, you will see what I mean. Now THAT is serendipity my friends! It is as though the universe is trying to encourage me to plug on.  Then, after glazing over the next few pins, like recipes, how to beat a cold, other how-to’s, and even weird celebrity hairstyles ( =P go figure, right,) the next inspirational image caught my eye. It said, “Don’t let something that’s long gone continue to control you. It’s time to let go.” And another big wow from me! There is so much of my past that has weighed me down, and all this stuff has weighed me down as well. I have known for some time, that it is time to let go, but again, it’s as though the universe is reinforcing that idea. The good news is, I AM slowly letting go, and it is very freeing. 

Omens:

While I consider those images I mentioned above as omens too, the next event really did feel like an omen to me.  That word has gotten such a bad rap with those movies and all. But honestly, it can mean very good things. Like a lot of this world, perspective has SO much to do with it. See that image above?  That is what I saw when I walked outside. I am trying to commit myself to doing some daily, weekly, monthly things to help facilitate my healing. I love photography, and can be pretty decent at it. But, like many things I have loved or done well with, I had largely abandoned it over the years, because of all the things I had been going through. Bad idea. It is the things we love and do well with, that get us through the darker days. So, as part of my commitment to healing, evolution, and peace, I am attempting to not only make sure I take photographs often, but I am leading up to a daily photo challenge that I am a member of on Facebook.

So I stepped outside, saw this vision from where I stood, and snapped a picture. Now, here is where perspective can come into play. When I was in a dark and terrible place, after all that had happened to me, I might have seen this snapshot as a signal of doom and gloom. After all, the clouds are out, a very rainy week is on the way, the trees are bare, and the lighting came out generally grey and foreboding. But…and here is a very big one…the sun is trying to peek through! See that?  Its coming through the clouds, despite that the clouds are numerous, despite the bare trees are in the way, despite everything, its peering through, and letting me know, better is coming. It tells me, that despite all the trials and pain, despite that things might look grey, the positive is there, and good things on their way. But, here is the thing. You have to see it. I have learned the VERY hard way, outlook is everything! And believe me, I know that’s far easier said than done. It takes time to pretty much train your brain to do it. But it can be done. I am living proof. So, I share that picture with you, to remind us all, no matter how it looks, good things are around, and do want to come to you. We just have to invite them in.

Sedulity:

LOL!   I laugh first, because even my WordPress text box (spell-check has it underlined) does not know what this word means! Don’t feel alone if you do not know what it means either, until this morning, neither did I. Another thing along the lines of self-improvement that I am trying, is to increase my vocabulary. So, I take a thought or feeling, check synonyms, and then find a word I do not know and practice using it. =) Sedulity basically means perseverance or diligence. It is what I need so much now, to finish this task, so I can get home to my beloved other half, and other fur-babies. It is what I need to endure the harsh weather, the elements, the insect life, the conditions I am living in, and my body not always being happy with me.  I am getting up later each day, missing a lot of the sunlight to work in, having a lot more migraines, and my back is getting more and more achy. My body is literally objecting to continuing this task anymore. So, it is here I must endure, find strength, and continue on, so I can be done and go home.  Like the little train, I think I can! It just takes a lot of sedulity. I CAN do this.

So, yes, it is an SOS day in the traditional sense. I am struggling, and hurting, and trying to find strength to go on. But, the way I am choosing to see today, is a different kind of SOS day.  Today has Serendipity, Omens, and Sedulity (from me.)

So, I am going to grab my second cup of coffee, a quick bite to eat, and get out there and work with my last hour and a half of daylight here on the west coast. I will likely work into the dark hours too, so I can put in at least 5-6 hours of work today. It is my hope to start earlier tomorrow, but whatever may come, I will plug on until this is done. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Whatever you are going through, I hope you find encouragement to go on. Someday I might share some of what has happened to me. It has felt like hell and back. But, for now, I am not here to vocalize those trials, I no longer need to talk about them as much (we all go through time’s where it is important to talk, and to work through them,) what I need now, is to create my new life, and to work with the present. It really is a gift to me.

All my best to all of you, and I hope you find your SOS’s (serendipities, omens {good ones}, and sedulity) today!

~Kat :@

P.S. I think I am getting a few readers…yay! My site stats indicates, if i am reading it right, that there are and have been visitors! It is okay if you are quiet, but feel free to chime in. I don’t bite, and will always try my best to respond. 😉

A second little teaser for you wonderful readers. Not only am I putting up my DIY over the next few days/week (as my conditions here allow me to), but I am working on a set of journaling cards. I am getting back into journaling, and loving journal cards as I can punch holes in them and quickly insert into my planner, to make sure I incorporate writing each week, or even each day. So, I decided to work on a festive Christmas set. I am going to share all six of them with you, for free. I hope to have them up in the next few days, or at least within a week. Stay tuned! And by the way, thank you for reading! Seeing those numbers made my day. =)

Milo At Peace…
A wonderful depiction of peace. Not just because he looks cuddly and happy, but mostly because I know he loves me unconditionally, and the feeling is mutual.

This is what I have been thoughtful on the last few days. What does it look like to me?
What does it look like to you? Does anyone truly know? Sure, we can philosophize about it, share quotes about inner peace (yes, even I do this), debate politics and religion on it, even sing John Lennon songs about it. But, when we look deep into ourselves, do we really perceive what peace should and does look like? Is it different for most if not everyone?

As I stood outside yesterday and today, in the midst of a very challenging task, feeling overwhelmed and defeated, I asked this out-loud. I stood alone out there in the yard, watching the rain come down, my body feeling heavy and tired, and I actually said it out-loud to no one. What does peace look like?

The concept of peace has been pondered by philosophers, politicians, the religious, many leaders, and any person ever finding themselves in the middle of utter chaos.

This is what I find myself in now…utter chaos. I am facing the monumental chore of going through a ton of my stuff, most of which has been packed under tarps and plastic outdoors for the better part of two and a half years. Long story, suffice to say, I moved 3000 miles, lost my home, many family members, life as I knew it, and am starting over. As I sift through the destruction that was much of my belongings and life, I am facing mold, bugs, stinging bees, blazing-hot sunny days, rainy wind-swept nights, cold pouring onslaughts, northern west coast harsh and fickle October weeks, sogginess, mud, decay, and loads of memories and time lost to me. Its a gut wrenching experience. I started this task with optimism, strength, and a willingness to just get through it. As I get toward the latter end of this grueling work, my energy is low, my spirits deflated, and my body hurting. But on I go, getting the job done.

I stared at one of the piles yesterday for many moments, feeling like it was never going to be done, buckling under the pressure of my time and weather constraints, and I asked the above question to the open air…the universe, if you will. Mostly, I wondered how to find it.

Another day in the muck and mire done, I dragged myself indoors for some tea, warmth, and a fresh pair of PJ’s for a welcomed night’s sleep. I sat down at my laptop, my fluffy-boy curled up next to me, and began to browse the web a bit. And of course, as I often do, wound up on Pinterest. If you have not found your way there, a fair warning…once you jump down the rabbit hole, you’ll never leave.

So, I plug in, “peace looks like,” to the search bar. And the returns it came back with, gave me pause, and somehow surprised me. I am truly finding a sense of peace somewhat baffling, and also elusive. So, I figure, if I am exploring this subject, let me see what other people’s interpretations might be.

Most of the results were the same kind of thing. A beautiful sunset beach, a moonlit night, an ocean-view window with a book and a chair, a vibrant autumn forest, a warm fireplace with a pillow and a cup of tea nearby, or a boat on a placid lake. Sure, there were a few images of famous quotes, philosophical points about peace, a rare image or two of actual humans, scattered images of cute animals, people hugging animals, visualizations of the perfect body and build, and the occasional, obligatory, messages of world peace, and religious and political views and points. But it was mostly scenery. Beautiful, and admittedly, very peaceful looking scenery. But where are all the images of people? I found myself wondering, “isn’t it people that make up the majority of what peace looks like?” Could it really be that peace is merely about aesthetics?

I turned to my other half, on the end of our, thankfully temporary, long distance conversation, and posed it to him. “What do you think peace looks like?” And his response at first was, “I don’t know.” But after a few minutes of pause and thought, he continued, “An open field, green grass, and blue skies.”
Again, scenery.

The more I think about this subject, the more I question all that I have believed and took for granted a lot of my life. Ten years ago, five years ago, heck possibly even yesterday in that marshy mess, you probably would get a response from me, something like, “A cozy cabin on a calm, tree-lined lake.” Who could not think something like that, or the myriad of nature images I saw on those search returns could be anything but peaceful? But again, does peaceful-looking equate to peace? Does pretty=peace? Does perfect=peace? Does scenery create peace? I ask and ponder to myself again, is it all about the aesthetics? Have we all been drawn into the multitude of media images and flashes of colors and nature and tranquility into believing that where we are, will give us the peace we seek? Or worse, what we look like?  Good grief Charlie Brown!

Continuing my train of thought, I go with it, and process the line of thought through. So, if it is really all about the setting/appearances, then why is it, I think, that the people who seem most at peace, can be that way, even in the midst of chaos and pain? Why is it that many can be miserable, in turmoil, or just downright mean, in the middle of the most beautiful settings? Then, how can it truly be all about the surroundings? Maybe we all need to dig deeper…maybe I need to dig deeper.

Oh sure, a beautiful setting can definitely set the stage for peace, it can help, it can add to it, but, while I am here, struggling and wriggling in all of this entropy, the concept was still eluding me. Okay, so maybe I need to differentiate between what peace looks like, and what it actually *is*. Or maybe I just need to ask what peace looks like…to me. And that thought, leads me back to all those images I saw, and the fact that, somewhere in my heart, something kept tugging at me and asking, “but where are all the people, where is the love?” AH-HAH!

Love! Love?
Where is the love? Okay, yes that was a song, but lets glaze over that for now.
In all those interpretations, I think I only saw one, maybe two images of people hugging each other. The majority was the settings. And that is when it hit me. Simply the fact of the absence, of the concept of just love, led me to realize, that for me, peace=love. When I saw it missing, was when I realized it WAS missing. Not so much from my life, but from my interpretation of what peace really is to me, and perhaps from others. Could it really be that simple…did The Beatles have it right all along? Is that all we really need?

When I look back on my life, and my many memories, honestly, the ones that bring me the most peace, involved two things, all the rest is just greeting card baubles. People, and love. That is what made me feel at peace, feel complete, and feel happy. And sure, the very people we love, can also be the people that bring us chaos and pain. But, as it is typical for love, it can also bring us great peace. And I mean true love, the kind that lasts and endures, and accepts us as we are.

And then, another fact struck me as interesting (aside from the fact that I start way too many sentences with and…sorry.) All those images of cute animals that I saw. For so many people, it was animals, mostly pets, that they interpreted as what peace looks like. And (yikes) there you go! Why do we see them as the picture of peace? Unconditional love (and throw in a few of those AWWW-overload-on-cuteness sentiments!) We find peace and yes, love, in our pets so much, because they accept us just as we are, and love us unconditionally. Whether we wake up with crust in our eyes, hair in tangles, sweatpants and, until we get our coffee, downright Ms. (or Mr.) Crankypants-Greeting-Card-Lady; or we are freshly showered, hair combed, clothes tidy, and smiles back on our faces…there they are. Those precious, devoted pets, loving us just the same, either way. How much peace does it bring a person, to just be loved, no matter what, our flaws, talents, assets, negatives, and all! Isn’t that what we all long for, deep down? Does that concept, of having that between us and others, and even in ourselves, bring us feelings of completeness and peace?

So maybe this mystical, almost mythical-seeming critter of peace, is not as elusive as I thought. Maybe, as humans typically do, we are just over-complicating things. Perhaps, I do not need to look any further, than the lovable fluff-ball sleeping so blissfully next to me, that he is actually softly snoring. Or to the honey-voiced love-of-my-life that is on the other end of the line. Or the wonderful friend who has endured, in the worst moments, the true hellish times when most can be scarcely found. Yes, this once again leads to an inner process, a perspective on my part…and the fact that I really just need to evolve it. But, what it boils down to, is even though I merely just need to SEE it, for me, it really is simply that…
Love.
Yes…I think that is what it really does look like to me.

Okay, so, yes you will find me, at moments wanting to scream as I tug at my hair, in the middle of chaos, wondering once again how to find some peace, and where it has run off to. And yah, I will still stare wide-eyed at beautiful lakes and forests and dream of laying there with a good book and feeling calm and content. Yes, I will struggle with this concept again and again, because life is just like that. We can all be like this, we are all just human. But I do know this much, without love in my life, I can never find peace…true peace. And I mean love with others AND myself. For me, it encompasses all things. We wither without it, we blossom with it. The serendipity of it all, is its simplicity…which ones again leads us back to peace.

So, the next time you feel in turmoil, the next time I do, maybe I can hope that we can just find a way, in those grueling moments, to remember the love in our lives, past, present and future, and let that bring us, if even brief, moments of peace.

So, for now at least, I put this topic to rest, satisfied that while I understand it, and realize it, the process of living it is ever-challenging, and ever-evolving. Life is like that too.

I will grab my cup of tea, turn to my sweetheart to chatter a bit, feel the warm furry companion next to my leg, and feel the satisfaction of a day of hard work and a step closer to my completion goals. And in that love, that I find around and in me, still in the midst of all that chaos, I will have my moments of peace, even if it is a bit fickle.

So what does peace look like to you? What does it mean to you? This can be different for everyone, and that is okay. Just something to think about. This is just my piece, of peace.

Meantime, I wish you ( anyone reading this {{{again hearing crickets still}}} ) lots of peace (and forgive me for sounding like a Barney song) and lots of love, within, and without.

With warmth and thanks for reading,
Kat :@   ( –that is a pawprint =P )

P.S. If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I had originally written this piece yesterday, but WordPress and I did not get along well then. {grumble} So today, I had to completely rewrite, and reconstruct the whole thing. I think I might have had a few elements in it the first time, that I really loved, and I still wish I could recall and retell, BUT, the part that brings me peace (I smile as that word pops in again,) is that I am pretty happy with what I have now, perhaps not exactly the same, but expressing exactly what I was feeling, and the thoughts and conclusions they brought me to. Just another factor that makes me realize sometimes we all just need to breath, reboot, and find the place where our peace is hiding. 😉

Milo my fluff-ball at peace.

What does it look to you? As I ponder this tonight, I have been hit with extremely painful irony. I wrote this entire post and felt very satisfied with the final piece. And that piece, gave me a sense of peace.
And because I relied on that WordPress auto-save letting me know it saved a draft every few minutes, I felt safe.

Big mistake.

I went to post an image into the post, and somehow, it deleted the entire post and left only the image coding. I had even copied the post into clipboard first, because I have had issues in the past with typing into browser dialog boxes. But silly me, I wrote the caption in the wrong place, and went to copy paste it to the right place, and lost my clipboard too. After searching and reading endlessly, I come to find that autosave only saves ONE draft. Apparently, autosave only managed to save the highly shortened image only version, minus the entire (what took nearly two hours to write) post.
If I had known this, I would have manually saved copies every few minutes, like I am doing now in notepad. So, I am feeling highly agitated at the moment.

The irony is, after completing the entire post, I felt at peace, after questioning what does peace look like. Leave it to a lost blog post to completely sever, that *peace.*

So, now I have to contemplate this question once again, and try to recall my previous thoughts, and try to reconstruct, what I was actually very happy with when I was done. Ever write something that you felt so pleased with, even proud of?
Then you come to find its just gone? I was so upset I cried.

But, once again, I will breath and reboot, and gather my thoughts, and attempt tomorrow to recreate, what was meant to be a reflection on today, well, it is now tomorrow already, but you get the point.

Meantime, if anyone stumbles by this blog {{{still hearing crickets}}}…I leave you with a picture of how one creature has managed to demonstrate the concept of peace, my furr-ball, Milo.

Wishing all peace and warmth,
and thanks for reading,

Kat :@

P.S. Stay tuned, I hope to have that reconstructed piece up by tomorrow.