Gee, I feel green…

No, it’s not because I am turning into Kermit. The waves of life have me feeling a bit green around the gills…so to speak.

Yup, it has been a really rough couple of months. The sluggish and stuck parts keep lasting longer than I anticipate.  Keeping up with this blog requires creative motivation and a bit of muse help. As many, if not most of you might know, that can be tough at times, to come by. Anyone see my muse lately?  Also, not having any interaction yet, has gotten me a bit down. I apologize for not doing all I had set out to do…well yet, but it is hard to do when you are not sure what you are doing is actually making any difference, or noticed.

Lately when I call upon that spark, it has just been dwindling out or away from me. But, I will ride it out, and I will continue on, determined. Even if I stall, I just refuse to give up.

So, I heard from someone special to me, just recently. It had me elated. But when the burst of excitement over this calmed down, I was left with a flood of emotions and unsure what to do with it.  So many feelings were brought up that I hardly knew how to handle it all. Ever lose someone incredibly important to you in your life, become devastated, and then come to find one day they come back? It is a good thing, but even good things can be hard or draining. After that burst, I found that the flood of emotions had drained me of energy, and I know it just takes time to sort it all out. Yet, another wave.

It took me several days to respond to them, but I finally did today, and I am actually feeling proud that I faced something that I knew would be incredibly hard for me. I might move slow, but I do eventually get to it.

I am not ready to share much here yet. It is incredibly personal, emotional, and important to my life, and someone else’s. Also, it is hard to share things like this when you wonder if anyone is even really listening, paying attention, or you don’t have that interaction. But, I shall prod on, because something, somehow, somewhere, some way, just keeps telling me to go with it, to put one foot in front of the other, and go with this.

Meantime, I hope anyone still out there has not given up on me. I really do have so much to share, and think I have my own unique share of talents. I want to give of those. I even truly hope to benefit others, as much as possible.

I am sharing with you now, something I just wrote/created today. Yes, I wrote this quote myself, though I know there are some out there that express something similar. Every time things come up that make me feel weighed down, sad, or troubled, I recite this to myself, in one form or another:

Be okay with the bad things that happened,

They are the paving stones toward the good things that are to come.

We all go through many trying and difficult, and downright agonizing moments in life. Sometimes you feel like you cannot go on another moment, sometimes you are just moving slow and are very tired. It can truly lighten the load, if you remember, sometimes these things are moving you toward something better. After all, how can we grow, if we don’t suffer those growing pains?  The most beautiful metals are molded through extremely high heat and change. Remember that the next time you find yourself struggling, and strive to anticipate better things on the other side. It can make things feel a lot easier to handle. It won’t remove the pains and sufferings, but it can make you hang on tighter, get through it, and look for the things you can learn from it. This is what I am learning to do…still.

There are a lot of dark moments behind me, and sometimes they pop back up and rear their ugly heads. I am learning, even if ever so slowly, that something good did come out of them, even the good I cannot see yet. I just need to have faith in that. If I look back on many good things in my life, I know that many not so good things led up to it. I bet if most people examine their lives, they will find that to be true for them as well.

So, on this note, I leave you with something I created today that has this quote, again which I wrote, to remind us all. The quote is set on an image I took this past weekend, at a nearby harbor. The sunset was beautiful. It served as a reminder to me, that good things have come from the bad, and I believe more are to come.    I am going to print up a copy to put on my inspiration bulletin board, and even a copy for inside my planner, and for my desktop too. I don’t know about you, but I need all the positive reminders I can get, so I can keep my eye on the goals…”keep my eye on the ball.” Plus it helps me to regain some steam when I need it.

I hope it can somehow help any of you, and remind you just when you need it. As always, I am putting a smaller copy here, but a larger copy is at this link for you to download for your personal use only.

I hope that whatever you go through, you can find the positive in it, and get through okay on the other side.

All my best,

Kat  :@

My Sweet Honey

Happy Valentine’s Day all!  I can’t go into too much detail now, as I have promised my wonderful other half, J, that I would go out and walk with him, we are going to dinner, and getting all romantic for the holiday. =)  But suffice to say I have been contacted by someone very, very dear to my heart who I have not been able to speak to, for over 5 years now. This is a very special and precious person to me, and it might be the start of repairing this relationship. I will try to go into more detail as I have more time, and as I feel comfortable. But it has me elated, and feeling hopeful. Put it this way, it is THE most wonderful Valentine’s present I have EVER gotten.

Now, down to blog business!  I have created a new theme for the holiday, granted later than I wanted. It has been a rough month, but I have a feeling things are going to get so much better, especially from within. At least the theme is up for today, and will be until next month. I hope you like it! It stars my other precious fur-baby, Honey, as she peeks sweetly out from underneath blankets and towels.  My beautiful Red Point Birman.

I have also completed another dollar days project for Valentine’s and want to share it with you. I have taken all the pictures, but need to edit them and write the article to go with it. Yes, this will be late, but I am so happy today that I don’t care. =P

Even if you don’t feel like doing this project for this Valentine’s, you can do it for next year, or you can slightly change the way it is embellished and fit it for ANY holiday or time of year, or even theme. The nice thing is, I did embellish it for Valentine’s Day, but it would look nice with any design you add to it, whether it be spring, Easter, summer…anything you like! So despite my lateness this last month or so, it will still be useful, and hope you like it anyway.

Since I am needing to head out the door real soon here, I just thought I would get this new theme posted, tell you about the project, which I am intending to get done and posted tomorrow/Monday, and also I have partially finished some printables for Valentine’s, but even if you don’t need them for this year, they will still be nice for next year or however you wish to use them.  

Stay tuned the next day or two, and I will have a few things to share with you.

I hope, whether you are romantically involved or not, that you have been/are/already did spend it with those you love and dear to your heart. That is the most important thing!

Happy Valentine’s Day once again, and my warmth and hugs goes out to you all,

Kat :@

Mewsing Monday

I’ve been thinking lately about the contrasts between light and dark, in terms of positive and negative. It is interesting to me that often, as humans, we associate dark with negative, and light with positive. Philosophies are abundant with it. I do the same too. Dark can be good though, as in a beautiful, peaceful, dark, starry night. Light can be negative, as in a person not feeling happy, waking up, and the light makes all that is painful feel vivid and clear. Shedding light on negative things, can make them seem starkly apparent and overwhelming. But for the purposes of what I have been thinking about, and wishing to write about, I am sticking with the notion of dark representing negative, and light representing positive. It is most commonly how I feel about the concept, and how most seem to feel, that I can gather anyway.

The past year or so, I have been concertedly striving to accentuate the positive, and veer away from the negative. I suffer from depression, have I mentioned that? Recovering from, healing, or even eliminating that can be a very long-term battle. I think I will always battle that in my life, but I do believe there will come a time when it will be almost easy, most of the time. The reason I feel this way, is because I am determined. I may or may not be a lot of things, but lacking strength and stamina is definitely something I am not. I have endured a lot, so much more than I care to even think about. Those things I have endured have taught me a lot. But most of all, they have taught me I am very strong. They have also taught me to appreciate the positive, and to strive to improve or ignore the negative. So lately I have pondered on what that means, how to do so, and what difference it can make.

It has occurred to me, nothing ground-breaking, mind you, that positive can be a matter of shedding light on good, and dissipating the light on negative. Think of standing in a large empty room. Now place one table on one end of the room, and another table on the other end. On one table place an object, say a bright yellow flower, like a daffodil. Now place a decayed or dead flower on the other. Now take two very bright lights and place one above the live flower, and one above the dead one. Now imagine using dimmer switches on both lights. If you completely raise the light on the dead flower, and then lower the light on the live flower all the way, what you have left is only the light on the dead one. You look at it and it’s presences conveys sadness, decay, death, neglect, emptiness, and other negative things. You cannot see the live flower, so you do not feel the positive that can be associated with it. You merely see the dead flower, and can feel the things that go with it. Now turn down the dimmer all the way on the dead flower, and turn all the way up, the dimmer on the live flower. Now you see a live, vibrant, colorful, happy-looking flower. You no longer see the dead one, and as you stare at the live flower, it’s color and vibrancy can help you to feel what it also denotes. Can you close your eyes and see all this and feel what I mean? Mind you, nothing changed really. The dead flower is still there, and the live flower is still there. We only changed what we highlighted. But can you see what it changes in what we see, what we think, and how we feel? This is how I see positive and negative…and what I wish to change or improve in my own life.

Life is chaotic and complicated at times, especially when it comes to humans. It will never go smooth or perfect. Circumstances around us will often be hard to deal with, or very complex. But they will often, if not always, be changing. We usually cannot do anything about that. I know in my heart of hearts, most times, we can only change how we see it, and how we deal with it. I might be driving along and come to a traffic jam. This might frustrate me or upset me. Maybe it will even make me late. I can either realize that I can do nothing to change it and just accept it, or I can frustrate myself by letting it get to me. We are all human, and the latter will happen to us all, no matter how hard we try. But, for me, I feel the good news is that we can retrain ourselves and learn, and overcome this most of the time. It is hard, but it can be done. For myself, I have a long ways to go, but I am happy to say, I am working hard at it.

For several years, I have gone through what I have heard some call, my “dark of night.” It is a term used for a period of time you go through, in which you have extremely hard times, hunkering down, perhaps even very depressed, or sad, or energies suppressed, and you just basically cocoon yourself, hopefully to endure and heal. It is a very transformative period, and usually many people come out of it with a lot of enlightenment, a lot or some personal inner change, and a lot of their life changed. It can feel like a long time that will never end, feel very dark, and be very painful, hence the name. Mine lasted quite a number of years, and I am only slowly coming out of it now. It began with a lot of my mother’s illness, continued with a lot of personal loss, and then went into me losing everything, having to uproot, and move three thousand miles away and change my whole life. It was the hardest time of my life, and I am still reeling from some of it, but I am in a much better place now.

Now, I am slowly coming into the light, but that darkness tries to follow and envelop me. It has tried to follow me again since my father passed away. I might falter or sometimes fall, but I refuse to let it take over. For me, there are only two things that can work to do that. One, having love in my life. I do not feel anyone can exist without it. I feel people need to share love with others in order to have peace and wholeness in life. Whether it be friends, family, adopted family, a partner, even pets helps that. For most I believe it takes a combination of a few or several people in those capacities. I have one great friend, my other half, my kitties, and some new family through my sweetheart that helps with that, in my life.

The second thing that helps with this process, for me, is to shed light on the positive, and diminish the highlight on the negative. I cannot make every thing better in or around me just like that, but I can shed the light on the good things, and strive to look away from the negative, especially if I cannot readily change it. When bad things happen, I can complain and feel bad, which I still will time to time, but if I put most of my effort into being grateful for what I do have, and for the good that comes out of most things, then it changes my outlook. I find myself feeling better even about the little things. This does not always work mind you, and when I struggle with depression, and even anxiety, it makes it even harder. But most habits do take time to learn, and I believe I can learn them. Also, it is important for me to give myself slack. When I do get negative and feel bad or complain, I try to catch myself and counter that by finding something to feel grateful about. But it is important for me to not chastise myself for slipping, or even falling. Self-condemnation or guilt doesn’t do me or anyone else any good whatsoever. Instilling bad feelings in one’s self is counter productive to the point of it all. If I choose to get positive, then being negative with myself for not achieving this, just keeps me on the wrong path, and is counter-productive to my original intention. So, if I do slip, I tell myself it is okay that this happened, that in time I can un-learn these habits, and next time I will do better. In fact, I try to, so-to-speak, “pat myself on the back,” for catching it, and making an effort to remedy. I keep telling myself positive begets positive, and negative begets negative.

If I feed the positive, I get more positive. If I feed the negative, I get more negative. I see it as only win-win, if I keep striving to feed the positive. I know it will make me healthier in body, mind, soul, and emotions. This can be a slow process, and I feel it takes small steps that I think lead up to bigger ones. Change takes time, and I think we as people need to give ourselves a break, but at the same time be determined and persistent. If I fall off, I know I need to try to quickly get back on. In this society, I know at times we can be hardest on ourselves and not give ourselves allowances. In our instant gratification, and impatient times, they seem to go hand in hand. But for me, and even for others, I feel while persistence is key, so is patience.

Ever have a time where you were in a very dark room, concert, amusement ride, etc. and you quickly went out into the light and it seemed to hurt your eyes? Have other times where you were in bright light and suddenly went into a dark room or the like, and you felt like you could not see a thing? It is the drastic contrast that makes it so hard to adjust so quickly. I feel that changing one’s perspective is akin to that. It takes time. I do not think there is any way around that. You cannot come from a negative place and tell yourself that you will be positive and make it happen just like that. You have to shed light slowly, and adapt habits with time and patience. Then you give yourself room, feed the positive, like when you falter, tell yourself it is okay, and get back on track as you can, and then only give yourself positive when you do. Any negative can slide you backwards. And there is no avoiding that, it will happen. Again, I feel this is okay. I think to get into the light and really live it and feel it, it has to happen slowly, or like our eyes in contrasted light, we do not adjust well.

Then there is a matter of needs versus wants. It can be hard to decipher between what we need and what we want. I feel that sometimes we need to get stuck in a difficult or painful situation because we have not learned from it, in total, what we need to. We might not want it, but whether we hate it or not, we might need it. Again, here is where it will take time to shed light on the positive slowly, and get into a better place. The darkness does have purpose though.

My four or so months away from home, was a rough time for me (refer to past posts if you wish to know what I refer to), but somehow I held onto the positive more often than I would’ve thought. Ironically, after getting home, I hit a dark time. I think while I was busy getting something extremely hard done, I was ignoring that my father had died and how painful our relationship had been for me. Now that this rough patch is passed, I think it has had time to hit me, and real hard. I have been stagnant this past month, which also included me being pretty sick for a week or two. I set off at the start of the new year with a positive outlook and determination. But somewhere along the way I ran out of steam, got stuck and discouraged, and shut down a bit. That is why I have not posted to this blog in a couple weeks. It is sort of like a mini “dark of night.” I could chastise myself and feel guilty for not doing what I set out to do. I could also feel guilty that I did not post to my blog what I set out to do. I could even punish myself inwardly for this. I have typically done all this in the past. But what good would that do? What purpose would that serve? This is how I always did it before, and it got me no where. The quote goes, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” (Some say it was Einstein that said it, some say he never did. For this purpose, not the point either way. It’s meaning still remains the same.) Since that method never worked, it is time for me to change the cycle. Rather than mire myself in negative feelings about it, it is time to just pick myself up, dust myself off, feel okay with myself for realizing this and for getting up again, then move on, and move forward.

So, I am here today sharing with you, my thoughts on positive and negative, dark versus light. This is how I get up again and keep moving. If I keep shuffling my feet, “they” can’t bury me…whomever they might be. 😉 I look out my window, and the weather here is odd this afternoon. The sun is very slowly starting to peer out, after a bunch of days and nights of gloomy, rainy weather. Yet while the sun is getting brighter and warmer, the rain is lightly flowing down in a sort of drizzle…maybe slightly harder. It mirrors my place right now. The sun is starting to peer out, as I come out of my short time of semi-darkness. My inner poet finds that metaphoric and succinct. But it confirms what I already know…that it will get better. It might be small steps, but I know it will get better, because I will not stop working in that direction.

It is still my intention to get this blog on a sort of schedule, but if anyone has remained, kept following, and reading here, then I am grateful you are hanging in there with me. I do have lots of wonderful ideas brewing, and I so much want to share them all with you. I have so many that I can hardly get them all down on paper, or put into action, but I will strive for that, slowly but surely. I am working towards writing these “mewsings” and having them out on Mondays. I am wanting to make it a “Mewsings Monday,” if you will. I also want to do a budget find day, perhaps Fridays, and then one or two other scheduled pieces on the other days. For now, I will do what I can as I can, and work toward doing things on a more dependable schedule. I hope you hang in there with me through my growing pains. =)

I am in a good place today, despite setbacks. I was scheduled to take a crochet class at a local craft store, but it got cancelled on account of no one else signed up. I am disappointed. I wanted this class to not only teach me to crochet, but to get out of the house, to meet people, and start myself getting busier outside the house. I really want to learn to crochet. I used to knit long ago, but I wound up drifting away. I think this is because it is a bit complicated, and I hear crocheting is a bit easier. I do not think they have another class until over a month away, which makes me sad. I am hoping perhaps I can find instruction elsewhere. While I know I can learn this on the net, or from youtube, I really wish to interact with others while learning. But we will see what happens. Despite this, onward I go. J’s mother is supposed to be coming over today so we can go through old pictures of their family together. I will enjoy that. I finally get to see pictures of him growing up, and I hope to help her preserve them for other family members, and the future. I am going to help her digitize them all. Did I ever tell you that I love to restore photos? At one time I thought I was pretty good at this. Would you like me to share some samples of this? Perhaps one day in the next week this will be one of my first editions to my “great experiment” section…some before and after restoration work. Also, I am thinking about sharing some pastel artworks I have done. I would love to hear what you think.

Are you in a good place in your life or a dark place? Do you feel it would help to shine the light on more positive areas, to slowly inject that positive to get you to a better place? If you do, you are not alone. We all go through this at one time or another. We all go through it in durations for the rest of our lives..it is a part of life. I hope you share this process with me. I would love to hear your insights, or even your setbacks. Please feel free to comment below. We can all learn something from one another. If you or anyone you know are in a dark place, I hope you don’t mind me telling you, take heart, it can and will get better. Rather than fear change, it can be a strange comfort. Whatever it is that holds us down, we can count on change to alleviate the burdens. Life is an ebb and a flow.

Remember those two flowers in the corners of the room? I hope you can recall, when you need it most, to dim the light on the negative…that dead flower in the corner, and turn up the light on the live, bright one. I feel the more we shed light on the good, the positive, the more positive will fill us, and the better we can endure, and even overcome and succeed. We all know the “dead flowers,”…the negatives, will always be there. But to turn the light up on them does us no good. I just hope we can find and reach for the right dimmer when we really need it. And when you are in the dark spots, know my heart is right there with you. I understand what it feels like, but the comforts I can offer you are, you are not alone, and there is light, and you will get to it. Just give yourself time and patience, and never give up. And strive to never give up on making second nature, to turn up the dimmer, and shed light on the positive. We will get there, I just know it!

My Warmth and Gratitude as Always,
Kat :@

What’s on my desk this morning

So, it’s been 12 days since my last mewsing, and maybe you are starting to think I might be one of those blogs that gives things a try and then just gradually dwindles down. Perhaps eventually there just won’t be anymore posts. I sometimes wonder that too. I have found many blogs like that. But I refuse to let that happen. I started out with a mission on this blog, and I am not going to give up easily.

You see, I have been feeling stuck lately, and I know where most of it comes from, and even big parts. I am also sick right now. As you can see from the items in the picture above, I think it might be some sort of flu. It has not hit me full blast yet, and I kind of hope it does not. I am attempting the ole’ vitamin C, some tea, echinacea, cough drops, and all that fun stuff. Sitting nearby my tea and vitamin C is my planner…which is largely dormant at the moment (I actually took the time to cover it with some Valentine’s stickers to try and motivate me), as I sluggishly search for inspiration. I know I am feeling discouraged. It is my wish to build up a small community of people that come here and interact with me. Not a lot of people, mind you. Just a small family-like atmosphere of people that have some things in common, can relate, and interact. I truly wish to create a place where people inspire one another, help one another, and connect on whatever might move them. But it does not seem to be happening.

I know I just have not hit on the formula that really gets things started and going, and I am truly trying to do that. I know the key to blogs is having content that brings people in, has them interested, is important to them and has something to offer them, and keeps them coming back. I so much want to give that. But I am new to this medium. Only doing it for 3 months now, I am still getting to know how things work and what to do with it all. I am sure that growing process will take a long time. But the thing is, I can’t do it without you.

This blog is a winding road right now, trying every direction the path has open to me. I see something akin to hundreds of roads there ahead of me, and I keep randomly picking one after the other. It is sort of aimless, like wandering without a map. But, you, the reader, can offer me a map. I want to steer in the direction that you wish me to, as long as I can do so. I want to give you things you want and need. But the key is, you have to tell me what those things are. In the long run, together we can take this in interesting paths. So, I will attempt now and then, in my posts to get you to offer me feedback, because I truly want to make this a place that we both enjoy together. So, I am wondering if perhaps I can add some things to help you relate to me more, so that one day I can get comments and feedback that can help me relate to you more. Would an about me section help? Are some of you wanting to offer feedback but shy to use comment sections? Is anything wrong with the blog that is making it hard for you to submit comments? If there is anything I can do to make this easier, I am very willing to do so, but it just takes a couple/few people to let me know. Would adding contact information help?

I am a shy person, but very approachable, and if for some reason I am not to some, I wish to improve that. So, until I can get someone to offer me that feedback, I am just going to keep trying things until they work. This blog for now is about me, but I am trying to open myself up so that it can be about others too. I want to offer you, the reader, things that can help or add to your life. That is why I offer printable things, diy’s, and budget finds. I want to improve those things too. I want to expand on the things that interest me, so that I can have you join me in that dialogue, benefit from anything I know and can do, and also be inspired and derive from what you know and feel too. But enough on that, you get the point.

So, along with the discouragement, I have been feeling stuck lately. It has to do with other things going on in my life too. I am at a precipice where so much has to be done, and I feel so insufficient to do it all. I have a whole house to organize, my health to improve, relationships to bridge and improve, and the huge ordeal of finding my way on this foggy and murky road toward career goals.  In other words, I have a whole life to rebuild. Something inside me has been telling me this one clear message that I cannot escape, not that I want to. It says, do what you love, and the answers will come. It also tells me that if I keep blogging, I will find the answers. So, I keep plugging away at what I DO know how to do, writing out my thoughts, experimenting with the abilities I have, and hoping clearer roads will soon be ahead.

If you are along this journey with me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I have a lot to learn, but I promise you my heart is in the right place. Wouldn’t it be great one day, if you could say you were there when I was just starting out, and then there when things start to happen, and then again there when I achieve the many points of success?  Wouldn’t it be great, if along the way, I can also inspire you for better things in your life, bring you joy, and turn around and hopefully help your life too? It won’t happen overnight, but another one of my goals is to learn from and enjoy the ride too.

So, until more things start happening, I did one of my usual Pinterest searches. Again, I like to see how others interpret terms that pop into my head. So, I searched for “feeling stuck.” It returned a lot of self-help articles and of course the quote images. I haven’t had a chance to look through them all, but that was the jist of things. Three things caught my eye most, and I will leave them with you, before I wrap this up.

One is a particular quote, that really stood out. “Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you actually are. It just means you haven’t found the right path for you yet. Hang tight. You’ll find it.”  I am not sure who the actual author is, but thegraciouspantry.com is the poster of this quote. It hit home for me. Again, something deep down just keeps telling me to plug away at this, keep trying, and the right avenues will open up. So, with just a few drops of faith, I continue on.

Two is another quote that I liked.  “If you’re going through hell, keep going,” by Winston Churchill, and it speaks for itself.

Three, is an article I found, which I think holds a lot of truth, and is something I endeavor to follow. It is called, “11 Things to Remember When You Feel Stuck,” and it is here: http://www.powerofpositivity.com/11-things-remember-feel-stuck/  If you are feeling stuck in anything, I do recommend the article, as it has a lot of inspiring and helpful tips. I like that in particular, it’s first tip is to maintain focus. That is a theme which keeps entering this journey I am taking, so I am paying heed to this. I also like that the site name includes the idea of the power of positivity. It just rings well for me.

And as a side note, I will say that on that search return page, an article turned up called, “10 Things to Do If You Wake Up Feeling Like a Grouch.” That title and the picture that turned up with it, that of an angry kitty, made me laugh out loud. But it is true. Lately I have woken up feeling kinda grumpy and grouchy, and my energy sluggish.  I have not gotten to read it yet, nor recall the link, but if you search that title on Google, the link will turn up. What an eye-catching title huh?  😛

So, I hope today/this week, you can find inspiration, especially if you need it as I do. I also hope you are hanging in there with me. I am not quite sure yet what my next step will be, but I intend to do all that I have indicated I would do in my previous posts. I will plug away at the articles I have said I would do, keep on going with what I know how to do, and keep reading and learning too.  I might be slow at it, but I WILL get there. I hope you can be patient with me, and not give up on me. Even if I am sluggish, I *am* determined!

Until I can figure out what I wish to do with an “about me” section, I am just going to link it to my very first post, which really gives a huge idea of who I am, and what I am about. I hope that helps for now.

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or simply wish to say hi, please feel free to comment. I don’t bite, really! 😉

Wishing you all a wonderful and inspiring week,

Kat :@

Ever feel like this?

The mean reds…or maybe I should call it magenta. Either way, it revolves around my point. You see, the screen-cap I took above is from one of my favorite movies ever, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. In this scene, she is undergoing a change of heart, and saving/retrieving her kitty from the rain. She has realized here that to truly be free, you have to belong, to each other, to someone, to love. But the reason I mentioned “the mean reds,” was because it was a line she used in the movie. She basically asked to her male friend, “ever have the mean reds?” He had asked if it was like the blues, and she said no, referring to the fact that the blues are more like depression or sadness. She goes on to say the mean reds are being suddenly so very afraid of something, but you do not know what. I guess I could say I feel like that on some levels, but mine today are more basic than that. I feel very irritable today, and angry, but like her emotion, I am not sure at what. When I think of anger or aggression, I think of the color red. So, in the spirit of one of my favorites I am calling it the mean reds, since anger can be mean. But if you are a stickler for exact match meanings, just call it the mean magentas.

I am not sure why I am feeling this way, but I know I don’t like it. So what better to work through it, then spatter my thoughts out on my blog. I don’t like anger or aggression or negativity, but hey I am human, and I feel those things time to time, like anyone else. You know those days when everything sparks irritability?  When little things make you see red? A package won’t open right, so you tear at it like the Hulk. A door gets stuck, so you slam it. You know, right? Okay, so maybe it revolves around that ole female stuff…that is possible. But I wonder if it revolves around things that are stuck deep down.  After all, I am a believer that anger isn’t a true emotion, per say…to me, it is a symptom of other things, a mask for pain, so to speak. Perhaps there are things I am not facing.

I know I am worried about all the problems and issues I have to face. I know I am worried about my health, about money, about my career future, the disorder of my home, family, those who have passed both recent and old, and a whole slew of other things. What else is new right?  We all worry about these things. Many of them often at the same time. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. I know there is so much I wish to change and make better. Sometimes, like now, it is so much, that it feels impossible or overwhelming.  But, I know it is not impossible.

So, okay, I can sit here and feel cranky and angry, and perhaps let it out, making sure its only on a couple unimportant inanimate objects like a piece of paper or unwieldy package, but then, it is my job to find a way to transcend.

So what do you do when you feel this way?  How do you overcome and move on? I really hope someday I get to hear actual feedback from a reader, or even hoping readerS. That would make my day. But for now, I have to ask myself this question. I have to find ways to overcome and get through it. So, the idea machine in my head begins to roll.

The way to knock out darkness is turn on the light. The way to chase away negative, is surround in positive. So, I think of things that I think might chase away these mean reds.

And in no particular order, here is what suddenly enters my mind:

7) Work on my diet, and eat things that can balance me chemically, and make my body happy.

6) Get out and walk and use physical movement to work out the negative feelings.

5) Find a way to give or volunteer or do something for others.

4) Work on slowly changing any disorderly environment to change my Feng Shui

3) Work on doing things that make me feel like I have accomplished something, or even successful.

2) Surround myself with words and images and things that inject positive into my mind and heart.

1) And number one, surround myself with elements of love, like people/family, those who uplift me and share closeness with. Also, to work on relationships and making them closer and stronger and healthier.

So, since they were the first things that came out of my mind, my gut, it tells me those are the things I must work on this year, let alone always.

Just a little while ago, yes late at night too, I made myself a high protein dinner with eggs, and lower fat sausage, and spinach in the eggs, and some milk. I am concerned about some health symptoms lately, that have to do with female stuff, and the blood issues I had in the past. A few years back, I had a bout of anemia and got a clot in my lungs. I got very lucky and could have died. One clot to a different part of my lungs or brain, and that would be it. The clot came as a result of my blood not being healthy and having anemia. It was during a time when I stopped caring about myself, and took poor care, and basically gave up. Well, the past few months during that big project, I was eating and sleeping very poorly just to get it done. I think my body is telling me it is not happy. I have to be watchful of getting enough iron in my diet or the anemia could return. I was lucky enough to beat it and get better, but I still have to be careful. I do not want to end up the rest of my life on anti-coagulants.  Well, lately, some symptoms have told me that I think my blood is not happy with me. So, hence the high dose of spinach I put into my eggs. It is time to fix that, before it fixes me.

I want to fix my health most of all, because everything else I do will depend on it. The people who love me also depend on me staying healthy. I know what it is like to care for a sick loved one, as I took care of my mother ill with MD for the better part of 17 years before she passed. I am determined not to leave those I love with that burden. Not that my mother was the burden, per say, but watching her suffer so badly was. Her disease was the burden, and I wish she had taken better care of herself so that she did not have to suffer, and so that she would still be here today.

I am convinced one of my missions in this world, is to overcome the illness and suffering of the family that has come before me. I feel like the signposts are pointing me in that direction. They told me 20 years ago to give up smoking, and I did. They told me to never let alcohol get to me like it did my father, and I did so (not let it get to me.) They tell me to take care of my health, or I could end up in a bad place as well. Heart issues run in my family, as does cancer. I was even born with a hole in my heart that did close up. But, still, these are all warning signs to me, to take care, and get to a better place, while I have the chance.

I have so much to do, and while I have my beloved in my life, and my kitties, I feel weighed down and sluggish, wishing I could find more support and encouragement. I know he largely looks to me to encourage and nudge, and I am such the nurturer. But right now, I feel like I need this so much.

So…where to start. That is the question.

Something funny happened today. But before I say, let me backtrack to an understanding of why it was interesting and weird. Years ago, I had heard about a doctor named Masaru Emoto. He is an author among other things, who has done studies with water. You might have heard of him. Some of his story was featured in the movie, “What the Bleep Do We Know?”  I had heard/read that he conducted studies of water molecules and froze them and studied  how they react to environmental stimuli. Supposedly, they remained structured and beautiful when injected with positive. They became beautiful looking snowflake-like under the microscope, and conversely, broken and mottled when given negative stimuli. I had also heard about prayers being conducted over polluted waters and the actual pollution being cleaned away by this action, by what I heard was dozens or hundreds of people, or something like that. I have always found the subject fascinating.

Then today, I sat down to write my blog, and found one of my magazine subscriptions came in today, and when I flipped it open real quick to see what it had in this issue, it went right to an article on this man and his research. It also mentions a semi-new book he wrote back in 2011. I think I might pick it up in my travels, it’s called, “The Miracle of Water.”  (If I do, I will let you know.) I like that title since water has so much of a role in our lives. It is on most of the earth, our bodies are made up of mostly it, we are constantly told to drink more water, and even many religious ceremony is celebrated or done with it. An even bigger wow, when I looked him up just a few minutes ago, I came to find he passed away just eight days apart from my father this past October. It just felt like this happenstance was trying to tell me something.

Whether you believe in what Dr. Emoto claims or not, whether you believe in the experiments or prayer sessions conducted, there is no doubting that positive begets positive and negative begets negative. It is the basis for laws of attraction.

So, once again, something around me, and something within me, tells me that I just need to keep surrounding myself with positive images and thoughts and ideas. I have to keep faking it until I make it. Mind you, it already has started to work. The more positive I seek and practice, the more I actually feel positive, so I know it works for me, even despite suffering from depression and anxiety.

I like how at the end of the article about Dr. Emoto, it says he suggests that you place the images of positive crystals where you can see them to help encourage the positive in yourself. So, on that note, I think I will either cut out the ones in this article, or print from online, and place where I can see them. Along with other positive things I print out or practice, I am hoping this will add to the positive stimuli to inspire me. The article is in the January 2015, For Women First magazine by the way, in case you are interested.

So, my goals now, the short term, are to develop other plans and goals centered around the ideas I listed above. I want to come up with a plan for the new year, to bring me closer to better health and self-improvement.  Yes, those cliche resolutions. But I do truly want to make and keep some of them.

So, it is now December 30th, the day before New Year’s Eve. I believe I am ready to face the new year. It will be tough, as I have a lot to overcome, but as I arch my back a bit, take a deep breathe, and find some inner resolve…I know I CAN do this. I might not BE something special or different or unique, but even if I am not, I will DO something special, I will give something special…somewhere.

I am going to develop a personal program of improvement that works on all those above thing. My health, my home, my money, my career, and my relationships. I might not succeed at all of them at once or even right away. But the idea is not getting it all done, but to always work on making them all better, as I am able to. The idea is to never give up, even if I have setbacks. And if there is one thing I have demonstrated the ability to retain, its endurance. I will endure!

I hope you continue to share this with me, whomever you are, if you are still there. I really do wish for most… that eventually someone will give me real feedback and perhaps encouragement and inspiration. All I have gotten so far, sadly, is about a dozen comments of spam. =(  But, I will keep that light on and keep hoping. I really do feel this is a journey that should be shared. Something deep down keeps prompting me and telling me so.

It is a new year, and I am going to find ways to make a new me…or rather just an improved version…or even just bringing light to, and to the bring to the forefront, all the things that perhaps I have really had all along. I hope you continue to share with me.

If I do not get the opportunity to post again, which I am hoping to before New Year’s Day, I want to wish all of you a fun and safe New Year’s celebration,and above all, a Happy, Healthy, and Fruitful New Year.

Milo reaching…one of my favorite images of this past year

Milo and I both wish you a peaceful and wonderful New Year! Keep reaching and striving!

All My Best,

Kat :@ 

I have had my second cup, working on eating, and fed the precious fur babies. Now, onto part 2 for today:

My Dad when he was in the Air Force, set within a scan of a Christmas card he had sent my Mom in the 60’s.

Dreams and Dad. I have been grieving my Dad passing in October, at least when I can fit it into my days. Its not been much, and I think it is catching up to me. Christmas is getting closer, and of course it makes me miss my parents even more. Holiday songs and decorations are everywhere, and they set in the nostalgia and waves of both smiles and sadness as I remember times I can never have again. I miss them both so much, I start to choke on the lump in my throat.  When I was at my father’s for the very last time, I saw he had beautiful Christmas card covers all over the front panels of his kitchen cabinets. Now, I can never look at another Christmas scene again, without my thoughts flooding to him. I dreamt of him last night. As dreams often do, it was weird, and thought provoking.

Mind you, as time has gone by, as typical, I have forgotten a lot of details. It its good to keep a dream journal, which I intend to do, so that you can write down the details as soon as you wake, and then revisit them later to contemplate. It is good to do this, as it opens up parts of our subconscious to explore and resolve. But, what I can remember has me thinking a lot.

In my dream, my father had died, but then we found out, that they were able to revive him and he was still alive, even though we knew it would not last long. It is my belief that people who die, often come back somehow in our dreams. It is also my belief that this is our subconscious way of resolving things with them, that perhaps we had not been yet able to.  We bring them back in our dream somehow which seems more feasible, and then go from there. This happened to me back when my mother died too. The way our dreams bring them back, often reflects how we feel about the death, or them at the time. For me, I was angry that my mother was taken. I was hurt that she suffered for so long, only to go in such a horrible way. (Again I might tell about that experience at another time.)  With my dad, yes I have run the gamut of the grief stages like anyone else, but mostly I am sad that he had to go, hurt that he did not take better care of himself, hurt that he did not wait for me to get there and say goodbye, and hurt that he never really did tell me that he ever approved of me, was proud of me, or ever really spent much time with me.

So, back to my dream, he had died, but been revived. We knew that he did not have much longer. I recall mostly varied images and confusing things going on, but next I recall seeing him dressed in a more dressy, more old-fashioned, yet somewhat western-feel outfit. I think we were all at some sort of gathering or dinner etc. During my time going through stuff where it has been stored, I came across many things in my Mom’s stuff, that she saved from my Dad, even though they had been divorced for something like 25 years before she had passed. I even found a card he had mailed to my mother before I was born, when my brother was just a toddler. It was written to mostly my brother, but also to her. I knew that this card would mean a lot to my brother. So I saved it, so that I can soon mail it out to him. In my dream, I knew at this event, I wanted to give it to him. So I first showed it to my Dad, and then was getting ready to give to my brother. I was waiting for J to arrive so he could see. My Dad really beamed when he saw it. Fast forward as I do not remember what happened in between, I saw my Dad laying down on something. He looked at me and smiled. At this point in the dream, I realized he had been dead and then came back, and he had this knowing about him, like he had seen things while there. Through his smiles, and fading eyes, he looked at me and said, “I know everything about you, I even know that you have 34 muscles in your face.” And then he passed away with the smiles on his face. That is all I remember.

I wonder now what this means. You see, in trying to come to terms with his death, I made a wish a couple weeks ago. I am not sure if I could call it a prayer or a wish, but I made it nevertheless. I wished that since he never told me he was proud of me, or made me feel like he was somehow, I wished that he would find a way to let me know he was, that he approved of me and my life, despite my ups and downs. I so badly need to know. I know he loved me, but you know how sometimes people can love you, but not like you? I have always wondered. I asked for a sign that he did, and asked if maybe, like my mother did, he could come to me in a dream and tell me. Of course, like most of my family, my Dad was always stubborn. I wonder if this dream was his way of letting me know, since it wasn’t done how I asked for. =P He did tell me he knew everything about me. Perhaps his way of letting me know he cared. Or perhaps my own way, of the more self-assured, wiser part of my subconscious letting me know, that he did care more than he showed. It is hard to say at this point, because I honestly don’t know what to believe. I only know three things right now. I know he loved me. I know I love him. And I know I miss him like crazy. What the rest means, I am not totally sure. But the dream did make me feel, oddly enough, somehow reassured and comforted. Maybe he does watch over me, maybe he does know where I am at and what I am doing. Maybe both my parents do.

Do any of you wonder about dreams like I do, and what they mean? I wonder if its a heavenly connection, if there is a heaven or afterlife, if they can see us, if they do follow our lives, and what it all means. I wonder if dreams are ever about connection with them. I wonder if dreams can ever be premonitions of the future, or keys to the past. I wonder if they are only collections of our subconscious and clues to our inner self. It is so cloudy and confusing at times to think about. I would love to hear what you think, or about dreams you have had.

I leave you with the above image, a conglomeration, if you will, of two precious things to me. One, of course, is an image of my father, when he was in the Air Force in the late 60’s. It was an image he took just for my mom, and sent it and several others on a sheet of paper. Under each image was a caption written to her, with things like, “Hello beautiful!” and things like that. I found this paper among my Mom’s things over the last few months. It will now be one of the most precious things I will ever own.  He used to write her tons of love letters and cards and such while in the service, all before I came along. So far, the letters have been lost, but I found at least a dozen cards to her, and this precious page of pictures and captions. I cannot begin to tell you what they mean to my heart. I feel complete gratitude for being born from so much love. And decades later, after divorce and disease had hit my mother, she still saved them deep in her drawers. Even my father told me many years later, how much he still and always will love my Mom. That, how they felt and the connection they had, mean everything to me. The other image above, is one from the front of a card he sent her in the late 60’s. I scanned both of these in and made this image above. I hope it does both of these people I am lucky enough to call Mom and Dad, justice.

Thank you for sharing this four D day/week with me. I feel it getting better already.  I honestly think even just writing about it here, is cathartic somehow.

I would love to hear your experiences, or perhaps even ones that you can relate to with my own. I would love to hear how any special dreams impacted you.

I am hopeful to add one of my gratitude posts tonight, as well as get working on that diy. I have to upload some images from my camera for it, and edit them and create the steps and post instructions etc. I also hope to start introducing you to a new section I am adding soon, having to do with getting back on my feet, getting back to work, and how you can help me figure out which direction I am taking to get there.

Meantime, I hope your holiday season is bringing you much warmth and love, and even if you do not celebrate anything, or celebrate something different, I still wish you much warmth and love,

Kat :@

P.S. I also hope to have a new Christmas theme on the site going tonight, if not tomorrow. Stay tuned! =)

This is a silhouette of Honey in the window, my other lovely kitty. This is the first thing I saw today as I sat down to the computer to write this post. So pretty and yet so thoughtful.

It is the four D day, and well, it all started last week after I got home from my monumental project. It has been a week of discouragement and delays. The other two D’s I will get into next post.

Delays….we got the Uhual truck returned two days late.  That costs money we don’t really have to spare. It took us longer than we thought to get ourselves rested, find a storage unit to offload the stuff to, and get ourselves together.

Now I knew I/we would be tired when we got home, but wow, this hit me hard. I think I was just going on some sort of mental fumes the last couple months, especially since my Dad passed. I got back here last week after that long drive, and everything crashed. The emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental all just completely crashed in me. Each day that passed, I would sleep and could not get up. When I did get up, I felt sluggish and dragged my feet. So, I figured that my, well, everything, just needed it and slept a lot. That is why I did not post honestly. We were going crazy trying to get through getting a unit, get the truck unloaded, get basic things done like dinner, taking care of kitties, etc….and we just needed lots and lots of sleep.  I am hoping that stage has passed, but I am trying to be proactive to get myself going again.

A wonderful friend always reminds me, if you keep shuffling your feet, they can’t bury you. And of course, sometimes you just have to fake it, until you make it. Sometimes (well usually, just sometimes longer than others) that really works.  If you just keep faking it, and acting as if you will succeed, and going through motions to get to that place you want to be, and pretending that things are good, as long as you don’t ignore what important things need taking care of, within and without, very often it does actually get better. Positive energy does have a way of taking over as you use it. It is sort of like using muscles. The more you use them, the stronger they get.  So, for right now, I do admit I feel lousy, and discouraged, but I am going to keep shuffling my feet, and faking it, until I get there.

I know I have lost a few readers during my down time, but I hope that if there is anyone left, you will share this journey with me. I am finding that aspect more important than I thought it would be. I thought I was just doing this for myself, and yes I am to a large degree. But, I find a longing to share. I want to fall down and get up again with others. I don’t think anyone should have to endure trials alone. I want to share them with others. I want to learn with others. I want to become a better person, and I would like your input in getting there, but more importantly, I am finding more and more, that I want to give something to others. I am entering a stage where these strong urges to do for others is beginning to awaken. Mind you, they were always there, but when you enter very dark stages of your life, you tend to crawl within yourself. You pull the covers over your head, lick your own wounds, and go through these dark tunnels in your life.  It is my belief we all need these times, and it is okay to just take care of you. It is when you can put the mask on yourself first, that you can then help others. Well, I am coming toward a light at the end of these tunnels, I can feel it. And with that, I feel the need to help others. So, on that note, I am going to strive to look for the silver linings, the positive in all that happens to me, for both our benefits…the readers, and myself. I want to inspire others, to lift up and encourage, and I want to be a shoulder to lean on too. The other day, J’s mom was going to her vendor event (this tireless seventy-something woman is more active than me) to sell one of the two party-related items she sells.  I was tired and worn out and wanted to grab some food, a cup of tea, and snuggle under the covers for the night. But when I heard she was going, I had left my TV dinner in the microwave, grabbed my coat and a cup of coffee instead, and ran out the door with her to help. When we got to her event space, I helped her set up her table and such. I know it helped her a lot, and it really did lift me just to help someone else. I am learning, albeit slowly, never resist urges to help others. It is almost always win-win, even when you can’t see it.

The other night when we unloaded the truck into our 10 x 15 space, it took us from somewhere around 5 in the evening (we then spent the better part of an hour or two viewing the spots, facility, signing up for it, and chatting with the manager,) until about 1 in the morning. We were already tired, having not fully recovered from our trip. We spent roughly 6-7 hours on the road only two days before, on something like 6 hours sleep in two days. But let me back up for a moment. On Saturday night, we had only slept about 5 hours, as we had worked very late the night before wrapping things up. Then Sunday, we worked until about 5 or 6 in the morning getting the truck loaded and packing up the living space I had stayed in for the last three and a half months. Honestly, it was no different from any other move I have done, other than in duration. It just took way more than either of us thought.

When the truck (17 foot) was loaded, and we had packed up everything we could find that needed to go, and then packed up Milo into his cage, we were ready to go. We loaded the cage into the front seat of the cab with me, and he drove the car, and I drove the truck. Boy this was eerily familiar. Last time I did this, was three and a half years ago, except then it was 40 feet of train (my 26 ft. moving truck fully loaded up to the door, plus 15 ft car trailer with my car on it), and my senior kitty George in the front with me, and driving 3000 miles by myself. This time, it was a smaller truck, no trailer, a much younger, healthier kitty, and only 250 miles or so to drive. But it was no picnic this time either, that’s for sure. We had stopped only one time, at a rest stop, to nap for about 1 and a half to 2 hours, me in the truck, J in his car.  He had to work Monday, so this was grueling for him. We drove the rest of the way, and split off when he took a different road to work. He drove in to work his eight hour shift on only something like 6-7 hours sleep in over two days, and after lots of hard physical work. My poor sweetheart.  I finally got home, unloaded my kitty and the cab of the truck (had to save the rest of the contents until we had a unit) and so badly wanted to go to sleep. But I thought of my wonderful J working so hard on no sleep, and the sacrifices he made. So, I knew I had to make a few sacrifices too, for us both. I watched my kitties get reacquainted for a bit, and settled in. I then walked down the street to the supermarket to pick up a few things for dinner, feeling like I was going to fall over. I walked home with my bags of groceries, prepared dinner, and we ate when he got home, and then we both just about passed out.

Tuesday came, and some of the events of the day are literally a blur to me. We were that tired. I think aside from him working that day, we both just slept most of the time. Then on Wednesday, after work, we went out, found the unit, and worked until 1 in the morning or so to unload, dropped off the truck to the rental place, came home, had a quick bite to eat, and then he left for work again at around 5:30am. I think he slept about 2-3 hours that night. Ever since then, aside from running out to help his mother Friday night, and him working his day shift, we have just slept and slept. I am so glad he had Saturday and Sunday to sleep in and recover. I have so much to do here, but I just could not get myself moving. But, I am trying to not be too hard on myself, and realize, I just needed it.

Come Monday, I thought I would be feeling better, but I realized, discouragement had set in. I looked around the house at all the stuff he has brought back here over the last few months, and the mess it was in. I thought about the storage unit I had up here, and the one still down there that were both filled with stuff to go through. I thought about the fact that because of the mess the house is in, and that it was not ready for company, that it would be yet another Christmas I could not do at home, and it made me so very sad. It has been quite a few years since I did anything for Christmas at home. Between all I had lost, moving across country, giving up for a couple years (I had just shut down and basically quit living, except for breathing and eating), and now the disarray that is relocating once again, it just is not feasible.  Plus, my Dad passing away in October is really starting to hit me, and all the obstacles I have yet to get through.

So, with all the delays, the discouragement setting in, I am at the point where I look around and say, “now what?” Well, leave it to me, I sit down at the computer, and of course go to Pinterest (I am such an addict of that site) and plug in…guess what?  Yup, the word discouragement! I truly do like to see other people’s perspective on things, so I can keep a realistic and balanced focus. The news and other social media can be too depressing or immersed with bad news stories, and for some reason, Pinterest seems to be largely laden with eye candy, people’s impressions of aesthetics, and lots of hopes and dreams. It’s the hopes and dreams part that appeals to me.

The returns I got were mostly inspirational quotes. And inspiration is definitely what I need. Three in particular caught my eye, and that is what I am going to focus on, especially this week. The first is, “Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged people who kept on working.” That is for sure where I am at. I am very tired, and very discouraged, and like I said above, I am just going to move forward and fake it for now. The second is, “Don’t get discouraged, things will work out,” which not only is good advice, but leads back to the dream I had of my mother after she died (a long story for another day,) where she came to me and told me everything was going to be okay. Whether this was just a dream, or really her, I know it is how she felt, and what she would want me to take strength from. So, I remember that and take heart from it, when I need it most.  So, stumbling onto that quote so quickly, tells me, that it as much as ever, applies now. And third, was a quote from a woman I admire and have loved as long as I can remember, Lucille Ball.  “One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.”  I truly admire women of strength, and while I think it actually does help to allow yourself to feel how you feel, even if it is discouraged, I do however think that I/we can’t allow ourselves to live in any negative emotions for too long, or it does become a way of life. It is a painful and hard choice, but rewarding one, if we make the conscious choice to live in positives places, but to give yourself a break, when you take temporary detours down the negative ones.  I do wholeheartedly agree that keeping busy and trying to make optimism a way of life is good for one’s self.  That is my primary goal right now, to make optimism a way of life. I believe in my heart of hearts, all the rest will follow.

I was starting to take a turn for the better last night, and feel some energy to get up, go out with J, and go get the battery replaced in my Ipod, and then stop by the mall to take some Christmas scenery shots with my camera. It is one of my goals to pursue all the things I love doing, until one of them pans out into something I can do with success, and hopefully to generate some income. So we first went to his brother’s place of work, so the two of them could work on replacing the battery. Mine is an Ipod 4th generation touch. After what happened last night, I am not sure I will ever buy an “I” product again, no less an apple product. Here is where discouragement came to visit me again.

Both J and his brother are skilled in mechanical things. His brother works with software and hardware for a company for 15 years now, and even puts together circuit boards. J works with multiple massive machines at his company, using both the machines and the computers that drive them.  That does not even account for his impressive skills with all things machine and problem-solving abilities. The two of them together, worked on replacing the battery in my Ipod. After watching a bunch of how to videos, and bringing up a few step-by-step sites with detailed instructions, they started by using a low temp heat gun to loosen the adhesive on the unit, to pry it open. It took a long amount of time, a good hour or so, and lots of contortions, but they finally got it open. Another hour or so later, and they finally got the new battery in. They followed everything the videos and sites recommended. But, I was heartbroken to come to find, the touch screen was damaged, and would not work. So much is on that thing. I took many photos, some videos, and lots of notes and things. It is like a mini-computer, and when you lose a computer, well, you can imagine how upset I was. Nevertheless, I was gracious to his brother for trying, and we went home. But, so much has happened, I have had so many stumbling blocks, and I am so tired, that it was just a small straw dropped on a huge pile of difficulties, and I broke down crying last night. We never did get to the mall, and I pretty much cried myself to sleep.

I cannot believe that company would make any product so hard to get into and replace a simple battery. If I can help it, I will never buy another product of theirs again. When J’s brother showed me his Galaxy, and how easy it was to pop open the back and throw in another battery, I knew that it was the way it should be, and will likely look into buying an alternative the next time.

So, today is a new day. I slept in very late, about 1 or so, but finally got up, and set out to accomplish anything. I am going on one cup of coffee now, need to feed my kitties and get myself my first meal of the day, and a second cup of coffee, but at least I am started on a new post, a new day, and trying to attain a new outlook. I AM going to do this, I am going to keep shuffling my feet and move forward.

I had a dream about my Dad. It was pretty profound. I will go into it in my next post, after food and another cup of coffee. I am working with a lot of discouragement right now, but I am going to keep working my way out of it. It has been a long week of delays and discouragement, but I hope any of you have hung in there with me. This metamorphosis is going to be long and painful, but it is my hope you will share it with me, the ups and the downs, and in the end, I hope we can all come out of it with something good.

Have you suffered discouragements lately? Is there anything you were able to do to help you recover from them? What do you strive to do most when you feel this way? I really would love for you to share. I would like to be inspired by you, and likewise inspire you as well. Let me know in the comments below.

Hope your day/week/month is going well, and you have encouragements to keep you going, when it gets rough.

All My Best To You,

Kat :@

Nope, I haven’t given up on my blog already.  Nope, I didn’t vanish. Nope, I didn’t get swept away in Black Friday traffic!

The tail end of my “stuff-sorting-project” wound up taking longer and more work, than I thought. Put it this way, my sweetie came down for a visit and to help wrap it up, and we spent four days working like mad. It took us two days to load the truck too. I just got back this afternoon, and that is after driving over five and a half hours, on one and a half hour of front seat sleep, and over 15 hours of work in a 24 hour day.  Also, we slept only 5 hours the night before. But now after being up more than 24 hours on that brief nap, I am still kicking, making dinner for us, while I wait for him to get out of work. That amazing man went straight into work. So, I plan to have a nice dinner ready for him.

So, I made it! Three and a half months and I am actually done with that leg of my project. Now tomorrow I must find a storage unit for it all, and he and I will load it all into it after he gets out of work earlier tomorrow. I will be spending a couple days each week, going back and forth to the storage unit going through things, and his mother is going to keep me company and do some shuttling for me. But at least I can come HOME each night, and to my sweetheart. Oh, and by the way, since I can only say terms of endearment so many times, and since I do not like to reveal other peoples names, I think it might be easier if I refer to him from now on, as J. Since that is what his first name starts with, it makes it easier.

This moment for gratitude, does not follow my current gratitude challenge, which I will resume as soon as I get a good nights sleep, and a long shower, and possibly getting our rental truck returned. But, I will take this moment to say how grateful I am, that I am done clearing things off the property, and how thankful I am to be home, and where I have the love of my life, J, and my other beloved kitties.

Where I was staying, shower facilities were limited, as the water heater/tank in the trailer only holds 8 gallons. So, it made things difficult to say the least. The weather was bitter this last week, and conditions very trying. So next time you take for granted the beauty of a nice hot shower…remember, it can be worse.  😉   I am determined to never take them for granted again. That, and actual counter space to cook!

So, I am exhausted, ready to flop down, and definitely have some rough wear and tear. But believe it or not, I feel optimistic! I can do this. Oh, and hey, I think I mentioned I drove 40 feet of train across country…3000 miles that is. Well, today, on that brief nap to make sure safety was first, I drove over 250 miles with 17 feet of truck filled with the weight of my stuff, the cold and slipperiness of the roads, and my sweet Milo in the front seat (in his cage) with me. Like I keep saying, if I can do those things, if I can endure…then I can do anything! 

When the truck is returned, my rest restored, and I can breathe, I am going to pump out that first diy for you, another couple great printable freebies, and the continuing of my gratitude challenge. So stay tuned…I am guessing by the end of the week, perhaps Thursday or Friday.

I am still kicking, and plan to do lots of fun things, and I hope interesting to you. Perhaps one of these days some of you might speak up and offer some feedback on what you think and what you would like to see.

Meantime, hope you are all having a great week, aren’t shopped out, and are having a warm and loving holiday season. Thank you for reading and see you soon, 

Kat :@

P.S.. Sorry no image today, but I am THAT tired. 😉  I will try to break out the camera over the next couple days.