The Mean Reds…Or Maybe It Should Be Magenta

The Mean Reds...Audrey from Breakfast at Tiffany's

Ever feel like this?


The mean reds…or maybe I should call it magenta. Either way, it revolves around my point. You see, the screen-cap I took above is from one of my favorite movies ever, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. In this scene, she is undergoing a change of heart, and saving/retrieving her kitty from the rain. She has realized here that to truly be free, you have to belong, to each other, to someone, to love. But the reason I mentioned “the mean reds,” was because it was a line she used in the movie. She basically asked to her male friend, “ever have the mean reds?” He had asked if it was like the blues, and she said no, referring to the fact that the blues are more like depression or sadness. She goes on to say the mean reds are being suddenly so very afraid of something, but you do not know what. I guess I could say I feel like that on some levels, but mine today are more basic than that. I feel very irritable today, and angry, but like her emotion, I am not sure at what. When I think of anger or aggression, I think of the color red. So, in the spirit of one of my favorites I am calling it the mean reds, since anger can be mean. But if you are a stickler for exact match meanings, just call it the mean magentas.

I am not sure why I am feeling this way, but I know I don’t like it. So what better to work through it, then spatter my thoughts out on my blog. I don’t like anger or aggression or negativity, but hey I am human, and I feel those things time to time, like anyone else. You know those days when everything sparks irritability?  When little things make you see red? A package won’t open right, so you tear at it like the Hulk. A door gets stuck, so you slam it. You know, right? Okay, so maybe it revolves around that ole female stuff…that is possible. But I wonder if it revolves around things that are stuck deep down.  After all, I am a believer that anger isn’t a true emotion, per say…to me, it is a symptom of other things, a mask for pain, so to speak. Perhaps there are things I am not facing.

I know I am worried about all the problems and issues I have to face. I know I am worried about my health, about money, about my career future, the disorder of my home, family, those who have passed both recent and old, and a whole slew of other things. What else is new right?  We all worry about these things. Many of them often at the same time. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. I know there is so much I wish to change and make better. Sometimes, like now, it is so much, that it feels impossible or overwhelming.  But, I know it is not impossible.

So, okay, I can sit here and feel cranky and angry, and perhaps let it out, making sure its only on a couple unimportant inanimate objects like a piece of paper or unwieldy package, but then, it is my job to find a way to transcend.

So what do you do when you feel this way?  How do you overcome and move on? I really hope someday I get to hear actual feedback from a reader, or even hoping readerS. That would make my day. But for now, I have to ask myself this question. I have to find ways to overcome and get through it. So, the idea machine in my head begins to roll.

The way to knock out darkness is turn on the light. The way to chase away negative, is surround in positive. So, I think of things that I think might chase away these mean reds.

And in no particular order, here is what suddenly enters my mind:

7) Work on my diet, and eat things that can balance me chemically, and make my body happy.

6) Get out and walk and use physical movement to work out the negative feelings.

5) Find a way to give or volunteer or do something for others.

4) Work on slowly changing any disorderly environment to change my Feng Shui

3) Work on doing things that make me feel like I have accomplished something, or even successful.

2) Surround myself with words and images and things that inject positive into my mind and heart.

1) And number one, surround myself with elements of love, like people/family, those who uplift me and share closeness with. Also, to work on relationships and making them closer and stronger and healthier.

So, since they were the first things that came out of my mind, my gut, it tells me those are the things I must work on this year, let alone always.

Just a little while ago, yes late at night too, I made myself a high protein dinner with eggs, and lower fat sausage, and spinach in the eggs, and some milk. I am concerned about some health symptoms lately, that have to do with female stuff, and the blood issues I had in the past. A few years back, I had a bout of anemia and got a clot in my lungs. I got very lucky and could have died. One clot to a different part of my lungs or brain, and that would be it. The clot came as a result of my blood not being healthy and having anemia. It was during a time when I stopped caring about myself, and took poor care, and basically gave up. Well, the past few months during that big project, I was eating and sleeping very poorly just to get it done. I think my body is telling me it is not happy. I have to be watchful of getting enough iron in my diet or the anemia could return. I was lucky enough to beat it and get better, but I still have to be careful. I do not want to end up the rest of my life on anti-coagulants.  Well, lately, some symptoms have told me that I think my blood is not happy with me. So, hence the high dose of spinach I put into my eggs. It is time to fix that, before it fixes me.

I want to fix my health most of all, because everything else I do will depend on it. The people who love me also depend on me staying healthy. I know what it is like to care for a sick loved one, as I took care of my mother ill with MD for the better part of 17 years before she passed. I am determined not to leave those I love with that burden. Not that my mother was the burden, per say, but watching her suffer so badly was. Her disease was the burden, and I wish she had taken better care of herself so that she did not have to suffer, and so that she would still be here today.

I am convinced one of my missions in this world, is to overcome the illness and suffering of the family that has come before me. I feel like the signposts are pointing me in that direction. They told me 20 years ago to give up smoking, and I did. They told me to never let alcohol get to me like it did my father, and I did so (not let it get to me.) They tell me to take care of my health, or I could end up in a bad place as well. Heart issues run in my family, as does cancer. I was even born with a hole in my heart that did close up. But, still, these are all warning signs to me, to take care, and get to a better place, while I have the chance.

I have so much to do, and while I have my beloved in my life, and my kitties, I feel weighed down and sluggish, wishing I could find more support and encouragement. I know he largely looks to me to encourage and nudge, and I am such the nurturer. But right now, I feel like I need this so much.

So…where to start. That is the question.

Something funny happened today. But before I say, let me backtrack to an understanding of why it was interesting and weird. Years ago, I had heard about a doctor named Masaru Emoto. He is an author among other things, who has done studies with water. You might have heard of him. Some of his story was featured in the movie, “What the Bleep Do We Know?”  I had heard/read that he conducted studies of water molecules and froze them and studied  how they react to environmental stimuli. Supposedly, they remained structured and beautiful when injected with positive. They became beautiful looking snowflake-like under the microscope, and conversely, broken and mottled when given negative stimuli. I had also heard about prayers being conducted over polluted waters and the actual pollution being cleaned away by this action, by what I heard was dozens or hundreds of people, or something like that. I have always found the subject fascinating.

Then today, I sat down to write my blog, and found one of my magazine subscriptions came in today, and when I flipped it open real quick to see what it had in this issue, it went right to an article on this man and his research. It also mentions a semi-new book he wrote back in 2011. I think I might pick it up in my travels, it’s called, “The Miracle of Water.”  (If I do, I will let you know.) I like that title since water has so much of a role in our lives. It is on most of the earth, our bodies are made up of mostly it, we are constantly told to drink more water, and even many religious ceremony is celebrated or done with it. An even bigger wow, when I looked him up just a few minutes ago, I came to find he passed away just eight days apart from my father this past October. It just felt like this happenstance was trying to tell me something.

Whether you believe in what Dr. Emoto claims or not, whether you believe in the experiments or prayer sessions conducted, there is no doubting that positive begets positive and negative begets negative. It is the basis for laws of attraction.

So, once again, something around me, and something within me, tells me that I just need to keep surrounding myself with positive images and thoughts and ideas. I have to keep faking it until I make it. Mind you, it already has started to work. The more positive I seek and practice, the more I actually feel positive, so I know it works for me, even despite suffering from depression and anxiety.

I like how at the end of the article about Dr. Emoto, it says he suggests that you place the images of positive crystals where you can see them to help encourage the positive in yourself. So, on that note, I think I will either cut out the ones in this article, or print from online, and place where I can see them. Along with other positive things I print out or practice, I am hoping this will add to the positive stimuli to inspire me. The article is in the January 2015, For Women First magazine by the way, in case you are interested.

So, my goals now, the short term, are to develop other plans and goals centered around the ideas I listed above. I want to come up with a plan for the new year, to bring me closer to better health and self-improvement.  Yes, those cliche resolutions. But I do truly want to make and keep some of them.

So, it is now December 30th, the day before New Year’s Eve. I believe I am ready to face the new year. It will be tough, as I have a lot to overcome, but as I arch my back a bit, take a deep breathe, and find some inner resolve…I know I CAN do this. I might not BE something special or different or unique, but even if I am not, I will DO something special, I will give something special…somewhere.

I am going to develop a personal program of improvement that works on all those above thing. My health, my home, my money, my career, and my relationships. I might not succeed at all of them at once or even right away. But the idea is not getting it all done, but to always work on making them all better, as I am able to. The idea is to never give up, even if I have setbacks. And if there is one thing I have demonstrated the ability to retain, its endurance. I will endure!



I hope you continue to share this with me, whomever you are, if you are still there. I really do wish for most… that eventually someone will give me real feedback and perhaps encouragement and inspiration. All I have gotten so far, sadly, is about a dozen comments of spam. =(  But, I will keep that light on and keep hoping. I really do feel this is a journey that should be shared. Something deep down keeps prompting me and telling me so.

It is a new year, and I am going to find ways to make a new me…or rather just an improved version…or even just bringing light to, and to the bring to the forefront, all the things that perhaps I have really had all along. I hope you continue to share with me.



If I do not get the opportunity to post again, which I am hoping to before New Year’s Day, I want to wish all of you a fun and safe New Year’s celebration,and above all, a Happy, Healthy, and Fruitful New Year.


Milo of my favorite images of this past year

Milo reaching…one of my favorite images of this past year

Milo and I both wish you a peaceful and wonderful New Year! Keep reaching and striving!

All My Best,

Kat :@ 

Christmas Wishes & Gratitude

Christmas Butterfly - My Tree Topper

Christmas Butterfly – My Tree Topper


I know it is past Christmas for most people, but for me, in one of the last few places in the world to be so, there is still about 15 minutes of Christmas left here on the West Coast. So, whew, made it in under the wire. The above image is our tree topper for this year. There is too much going on to have been able to get a real, normal sized tree like I would normally like to do, so we opted for a mini, artificial tree, for now. We could not find any nice mini angel tree toppers, which was our preference, so we picked up this beautiful butterfly. I am really glad we did, I love how it looks with the lights behind it. Being one of my favorite things also helps. I like to think of butterflies as almost miniature angels of the animal/insect kingdom.

Anyway, I basically wanted to send out my heartfelt wishes for a Merry Christmas, for anyone that does still read here. =)

We had a nice evening at J’s brother’s house. I am feeling gratitude for my new extended family, and for the warmth of love around me for the holidays again. There was a time when I did not have that. 

And I wish to send out into the universe wishes to my now deceased Mom and Dad, and also to P. I love you three more than there are enough words for. I wish more than anything I could think of in heaven or earth, that I could have been sharing this holiday with all three of you. I hope somehow, someway, your heart can receive my love and wishes.


While I have not gotten to do all that I wanted, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to get the content done I would like to do, or at least most of it, improve how much I do, and come up with some sort of content schedule. Rome was not built in a day, and neither will the meat of my blog, or the core of me. But I hope anyone who has joined me, or stuck around, continues to do so, as I put effort into building up and improving. =)

What inspires me today is love and family. I would love to know what inspires you. I hope your Christmas has been filled with both abundantly!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, in blogland, a goodnight! 😉

With gratitude and best wishes,

Kat :@



P.S. Stay tuned, I have plans for some varied content to come out in the next week or so. I honestly feel its going to be a great new year and I have some wonderful plans. I hope it will be exciting for us all. I have a few nifty ideas I cannot wait to share with you!

Gratitude Challenge – Day 3

30 Day Gratitude Challenge

30 Day Gratitude Challenge



Day 3 – Prompt Day 2


To start, I apologize if people have wanted to see more of this from me lately. Aside from this time of year being hectic for everyone, including me, I am finding motivation hard to come by right now. I think the grief has set in pretty hard regarding my Dad (if you have not read before now/lately, he passed away in October after many hard years of suffering from heart problems, at only 64.)  Also, being the first Christmas without either parent being alive, makes it doubly hard, plus I am missing other people in my life. I have no family (blood family) out here whatsoever. I used to go to my uncle’s home for Christmas Eve…for many years. My father would be there, all his family, my brother and his family would go, etc.  I would spend the holidays with them, and also my mother and other family I love with all my heart. I have none of them out here. It is hard to adjust to. I know I will though, like anything, it takes time.

I do however, have new family, which I will go into below. As I promised readers, and especially myself, I am going to continue this gratitude challenge until it is completely and thoroughly done. I am determined, even if it takes me six months, though I hope not.  I would like to work up to where I am doing one each day OR at least thinking and writing down something I am grateful for every single day. But for now, I will allow myself room and a break to not do it perfect, and just continue working the muscle until it is strong. I am however, trying to accomplish something/tasks each day, even if it is a smaller thing. As I have said before, even if I am moving very slowly, I will keep shuffling my feet every day and keep moving…that way I can’t be buried. 😉  So, without further ado, day number three here…




 Once again, as I will every day, before I respond to the prompt, I wish to offer gratitude to Crystal Wilkerson, for not only creating these prompts, but for her graciousness in allowing me to use them here. You can find her wonderful work at this site: 





Two part answer again, one to answer the first question, and the second to spend the five minutes writing down what I am grateful for.


One, when I think of someone who focuses on the good, I think of my best friend L. She is the one who took me in when I had no one else in the whole world to turn to. It is when I had no where to go, and was on the verge of becoming homeless. This was just a short three years ago. I did not even want to go on living. Fast forward to today, I am alive, and despite discouragement, moving slow, or having bad days, I DO truly want to live again (for those suffering this, it really DOES pass, so hang on!) I have hope this past year, for the first time in so long, that I honestly forget. I want to get back to what I love, hence this site, and I want to really live to the fullest. I want to repair that which needs it in myself, and repair any relationships or feelings toward relationships which might be long gone (such as those passed away.) I want to live a long time, mostly for those that love me, and to spare them the agony of watching someone they love suffer and/or dying young, and I want to have no regrets when it is time to go. If not for L, I don’t know that ANY of these feelings would be with me right now.

She strives to look at all situations with a positive force, with a positive attitude. I recall a very hot day like a year or two ago. We were out getting a bite to eat. Now mind you, I do not handle high heat very well. I get downright cranky. In my defense, my body does not handle it well, and I get heat exhaustion. But, it does not help that I just get cranky and negative too. I complained about the heat where we were eating, and was so uncomfortable. Now, without making myself feel bad or guilt for being human, I will add to, and gravitate toward what I would like to be. She just shrugged it off and said she did not like it, but could not change it (how hot that day was) and just made the best of what was.

I will always remember that day. I honestly think my attitude in how I handle things, will truly change how something can feel to me. I cannot change things around me, that is not in my power. But, to some degree, and as my body will allow me to, I can control how I handle it…at least with time and self training. Again, it is like another muscle. I am going to try to teach myself to take a situation, and either find the good in it, or tell myself it will get better. I figure the longer I tell myself this, the better chance I have of eventually having a positive reaction be second nature. If bad experiences as a child can create “negative tapes” in my head, and negativity can be trained, then why not train the opposite?  It makes sense, right? So, repetition and exercising the positive, will be a large part of my mental workout, until these things become learned to me.

As to how I feel around her…honestly, very positive most of the time. She gives off an energy of love and giving. It’s the kind of person that you long to be around, to emulate, and to share with. I want to be like that, I want others to want to be around me. Most of all, I want to learn to give of myself like that to others. I would not be here if not for the giving of others, so, in that spirit, I truly want to pay that forward.




Now, for the gratitude part. Okay, I grabbed a drink, set my timer, and I am going to just write down everything I am grateful for for five minutes. I hope when you are done reading, you will join me, and set your timer and write down all you are grateful for. I think this is a great exercise for coping in this sometimes crazy world. Feel free to share your writings in the comments. I really do welcome feedback.



Here goes: I am grateful for…

Okay, this might sound corny but, LOVE. I am most grateful for love. In this chaotic world, it is THE number one thing that makes life worth living and then some! No matter what I have been through in my whole life, the ups and downs and the really excruciating, love has always been present somewhere around me,  if I looked hard enough.  It is the one guide, strength, up-lifter, and rule that anyone can live by and find if they really do seek it.  It does not matter religion, faith, beliefs, race, creed, anything…love is universal. If you live by it, you get it back tenfold. I am so grateful for love. For better or for worse, my first lessons in love started with my family, mostly my mom, but everyone in it. And those lessons continue every day. When I had darkest days, a couple years ago, I had love around me, in L. She taught me even more about love.

I am grateful for L, for all she has given me, for all she has taught me. Her and her family have shown me what I want love and family and giving to look like in my life, for me. I could get even more sugary about it, but suffice to say for now, I am grateful for the rest of my life to her, and the best thing I can give back, is to get better, every day, learn, and move on and give back wherever needed.

I am grateful for a roof over my head, for a man in my life, J, who is everything in a man I could ever ask for or dream of. He is not perfect, thank goodness, as I am no where near that either, but we fit each other. We are so much alike, yet seem to complete what the other lacks, and learn from each other to become better people through sharing. I FINALLY know what a healthy relationship should be and look like.

I am grateful for food to eat every day, in a world where some might not have that, I am grateful for heat, and running clean water…the things we can often take for granted. I am thankful for the internet, to explore the world and connect to others on a new level, and to use the tools to expand my mind, and the creative things I like to do. I am grateful for connectivity to others, for electricity and appliances and the things that are simple yet taken for granted, and many do not even have those basics. I am blessed for those and so much more.

I am grateful for my wonderful, beautiful kitties, who share their unconditional love and warmth and companionship with me, and who are just darn nice to rub their bellies (the ones that are not like bear traps that is), and feel their fluffy fur.

I am grateful for my health, despite its imperfection or issues. I can still walk, and talk, and see, and use my hands to do what I love. I can still see the sunset every day, and a flower. I can hear music, and own enough or can find enough to find joy in.

I am grateful for all the family I have ever loved and known past and present. Though most of my blood family is either gone or too far away to see much, I now also have extended family, in L’s family and friends, and my sweetheart J’s family and friends. I have new people in my life to share with, learn from, and love. I have new experiences in front of me.

I am grateful for the chance to get up, brush myself off, and move on in life and get to a better place. I am grateful that I had the strength and beloved guidance of my mother to not ever get stuck on drugs or alcohol. I am grateful she and her family taught me, (admittedly through bad example, but that’s okay, good has come of it,) to not smoke, and I gave it up 20 years ago and never went back. I am grateful to my Dad and his family, through the same above sentiment, that I have never turned to alcohol and do not suffer their affliction. Both of those things took determination, work, and strength to make sure I did not come down with them.

 I am living proof you can have those thing in your genes and family and life and either overcome them, or not let them afflict you. I see what people with addiction go through, and it is so painful and sad. I wish them nothing but love and hope and a better place, and I am grateful that I have become one of the first few in my family to overcome the odds…and not end up with them as issues for me. (Now, if I could just cure my addiction to chocolate.) But, in all seriousness, I feel lucky and blessed for that, but also know it took my own fortitude and work. In other words, when problems hit, I did not turn to self-medication. I do not blame or judge those that do, my own father did and he was still a great man. but I am just so grateful that I did not follow in those footsteps.

I am grateful for all the little things any of us, including me, can take for granted. Access to a store for needed things, access to food, a warm bed, possessions that might offer me assistance or warm memories.

I know this might sound trite or like I am trying too hard, but this is what came to my mind just now, and I shall let it just flow out….I am grateful for any readers I might have. I know I have not heard from anyone yet, but I know one day, I will. It takes time for you to get to know me, and vice versa, and that is okay. Though the statistics tool is a bit convoluted, it seems to reflect I have some readers, at least here and there. So for anyone hanging in there with me, and reading me, as verbose as I can be, thank you. Thank you for sharing this with me, letting me be myself, and hopefully sharing inspiration. If I give any, I am so grateful…if at some point you can share some inspiration, I am doubly grateful.



Okay, so that went beyond five minutes, but that is okay! See!! It is catchy. Once you get started, it is hard to turn it off. It tells me you CAN train the mind, with three key things, in my opinion and observance…consistency, perseverance and effort. There has been so much negativity in my mind over the years, and so help me, I will train it away and chase it out of my head!

Well, I really hope that any of you might try these exercises. They help a lot. I also hope that you let me know how it worked for you, feedback on how I am doing, and just sharing in general.


Want to know what I wish for, for Christmas? Well, one of my wishes anyway, at least pertaining to this blog. I wish for starting with just one comment, (not spam as I have gotten already =P) just one person sharing their thoughts, inspirations, and feedback (staying constructive and positive of course.) And then perhaps, maybe more than one. But even just one would make my month. Every person counts to me, everyone is precious. So, don’t be shy, drop me a note below! =) I would love to hear from you.



Thank you for reading, I really am grateful for my readers, even if I do still hear crickets, I know you are there somewhere. 😉

Warmth and love to all of you, always,




P.S.  Upon reflection, I thought you all should know, that something and someone, or someone*s* inspired this prompt choice today.

I read a story on a Facebook group about a woman who had a bad experience with reaching out to help someone. Her story is rather sad, though her sense of giving is a happy thing. The person she helped behaved badly and left her with a bad taste in her mouth. It was not a good experience. It made me think of the person that reached out to help me, essentially a stranger…L was that to me. If not for her, as I said above, I would not be here.

So, in addition to my thoughts of gratitude to L, I would like to say I am grateful for not just L, but all people like her. I am grateful for people like J.H…the person who inspired me today. I want her to know, as I wrote to her already, that her giving is not for naught. I know deep down, that love and giving and kindness ripples out so much further than most of us can ever see. J.H…you touched me today, and I am sure a lot of people. I hope for now, that is enough to help you feel somewhat better about the circumstances that occurred. I know it might take you time before you can give again, and perhaps the experience will help show you how to find someone better behaved, and lead you to a person who can receive your giving at the same time as leaving you with a nice experience. I am not sure if she will read this, but I thought readers might like to know what inspired me today.

For now, I say thank you again, to you J.H. and all people like you and my best friend L. You never know when you can one day save someone’s life, and I know mine was. And I received a best friend from it, to boot!

I truly am so grateful to you J.H., to L, and to ALL people like you!



Thought of the day, & a Blog To-Do List, & Intentions

Milo jump

This was taken when I was playing with him and he jumped up for a toy. But the image has so much meaning for me. It really does look incredibly cute, and like he was trying real hard, looks real happy, and inspirational even. It looks like he is showing with great effort, you can really reach things.


Thought of the Day:  Reach for the stars, they really aren’t as far as you think! =)



Blog To-Do List:

I *hope* to have one more set of journal cards done by Christmas. Also on my blog to-do list are: December calendar/page marker/note field (yes, it is very late, so sorry, but I promise I am going to strive to improve that,) January page marker (hopefully much sooner), January journal cards, a special template for a Facebook list/challenge group I am in, another budget DIY, more gratitude challenge prompts, more photography, more bargain finds, a blog backup and WordPress upgrade, and hoping to figure out how to use subscriptions. Oh, and the creation of a VERY special new section to my blog.

I do not want to reveal the surprise yet, I am trying to figure out how long it will take me to put together and what I am going to put into it. But, I think you will really like this. I have come up with, what I think is a unique idea for self-improvement, and it allows me to share the changes and goals and paths with readers, as long as I can eventually get people to give feedback. =) How would you like to see me set up some goals, and work on a self-improvement project, with your guidance? Meaning, the outcome wil be affected by you, the reader! Where I end up in this endevour, the roads I take, the turns, will adapt and change and be affected by YOU! It will be a partnership between me, the people in my life, my abilities, and the feedback of you! Think of it as something like those books they used to have years ago, not sure if they still are being made, where you choose the path and go to the section for the outcome, depending on your choice. I wish to do that on a blog!

What this surprise is revolving around or further details, will be a surprise, as I am still figuring out those details. But I hope to reveal this to you in January! New year, new hopes and plans, new me! And if you choose, you get to be a part of it. But even better, I want to turn it around and be a part of the same for you! More on that soon, but for now, think on it, and hopefully it will inspire readers to interact with me and each other.




You might be wondering throughout reading this blog, okay, what’s the gist? What are you selling? What’s in it for you? As far as selling, nothing! At least not at this time, and if I do, it will be separate from my blog, which is for the more personal end of my life. They might even slightly intertwine at some point, as often is the case in life. I might eventually open up the business end for something else, but for now, there is nothing there, and I am NOT selling anything, honest! This is all an experiment, and a way for me to find self-improvement. What is in it for me?

Quite honestly and simply, to be a better person. But improvement is not a solo project. For anything to be truly as good as it can be, including people, it requires group effort. No great things can be done alone. That is my forever belief. And family and those close to you can be bias, or there are often dysfunctions in familial settings, or learned habits, personas we take on that are not wholly or truly us as a person. It comes muddled with things, and I am sure you can understand what I mean. I want objective, constructive, and positive feedback…with a dose of love of course.

This experiment is to see if not only I with hard work, can get myself to a better place, but if I can manage it with the input of strangers. I know it can be objective that way, at least to a larger degree. So there you have it. My up-front, honest thoughts on why I do this. And it can be easy to be jaded in this world at times, so in time, I hope you will see, my intentions are good.

I also, through this medium and other ways too, want to pay it forward and give something back to others. I have a feeling, that these paths are going to lead me in the right direction. After all, I found BOTH L and J online! Really! I want to share this crazy roller-coaster we call life with others, the ups and downs, and me and those who share, to all come away with something meaningful.



Up next today/tonight…my next gratitude post. Stay tuned, maybe even check back in the next few minutes to an hour! =)

So, there you have it, my intentions and a somewhat Blog To-Do list for ya!

I hope you are enjoying the warmth and joy of the season, and always,




P.S… As you might have noticed, my fur-boy image above, is also a part of my Christmas season blog decorations. I love to incorporate him often as this blog is titled Katspeak (Kat being me of course) and my buddy often speaks to me and has lots to say…hmmm…maybe we are more alike than I thought! LOL So, aside from loving him to bits, that is why I like using him in my themes.

DIY Planner Pawsability Entry #1 – Planner Foldout Multitasker *Holiday Themed* For 3 To 5 Dollars!

Make this trifold insert for your planner (or Journal, Scrapbook, Album, etc.), in holiday or non-holiday themes:


Planner Foldout Multitasker Front Cover


Planner Foldout Multitasker Inside

Foldout - Opened

Planner Foldout Multitasker


From these three items:

Green Folder/Report Cover

Green Folder/Report Cover

Red Folder

Red Folder

Decorative Tape

Decorative Tape



I have used a planner a long time…years in fact. But I discovered I was not using it as much as I should. It was boring. But when I saw people were turning these things into something more personal, and decorated, and best of all…using stationery products, I became re-hooked! I had watched many a video for various planner diy things. Like many people, I watched videos about setups, and styles of planners, and supplies, and the list goes on. The fever caught on more and more. There are many things I cannot afford to outright buy for my planner, so I set out to try to make the things I liked or found most useful.

I had seen quite a few videos and blogs where people were making special inserts for their planners, such as pockets, and dividers, and page markers, and even fold out accessories. I saw so many things I loved. But my one dilemma was I liked so many of them, but knew a planner wouldn’t fit them all. So my task was to find a way to incorporate the best parts of them all. I knew I wanted something to fold out, first of all. I knew I wanted it to have one or more pockets. I knew I wanted it to be able to feature a photo/photos I loved. I wanted it to be able to perhaps hold a notepad, or to do lists, or even a business card, or something that size. I also wanted it to be able to hold sticky notes and also be custom to my likes, and have color and theme. Then of course throw in, I wanted to do it on a budget…hence dollar store materials. Quite a request list to fill, but I enjoyed the challenge.

I did this whole project while I was away from home, not with the best lighting, and under difficult conditions, so please be patient with me, my DIY’s will get better. =) I also filmed the making, but I am not quite ready yet to start sharing videos (I am a tad shy.) I am awaiting feedback to see how I am doing, before I start expanding. But if there is enough interest, I may eventually share it, or others.

I may eventually make another one of these in a different theme, but for this one, it is Christmas themed. It uses only dollar store items or equivalents, such as Target dollar spot and the like. For now, lets just call it the planner fold out multi-tasker. I have many people to thank for inspiring me with their various ideas. I have even incorporated a lot of what they made into my own rendition. At the end of this DIY, I will list all of their links so that you may also see their projects too.






Without further ado, here is the DIY supply list, instructions, and more images…

1) Two folders with coordinating colors (such as for a holiday theme or however you like it), and preferably each having something unique to add such as a pocket you like, business card slots, etc. I like to find interesting ones to add versatility to it’s functions. Also, it was important to me, to have at least one have a clear portion to see through, and the other to be at least somewhat see through. The first one has a clear cover with green trimming, and the second is all red, but it is a see through red.



2) Colorful, yet well adhering tape. What design you choose is really a matter of personal taste. For this I went with the metallic looking tapes Dollar Tree has. The tape is pretty key, as the folders won’t turn right if you don’t bind the edges with it. If you find a tape you like, but it does not adhere the way it should, I recommend reinforcing with some glue.

Decorative Tape


3) Very good quality scissors as you will have to cut through some thick plastic. Guillotine type cutters would probably work well too, but this project would probably prove hard to do, in the regular sliding cutters like Fiskars makes. I have not tried that, but if it works for you, that’s fine too.



4)Stickers and other things you would like to embellish with. I recommend using more flat items, as thicker or raised items might add more bulk to your planner or journal, etc.




5) Optional (as needed) – Adhesive or glue of some type. I would avoid hot glue as it might add too much thickness, or anything too wet or overly tacky, it might tear stickers, tape, or embellishments. 




That’s it!  Depending on how much embellishment you add, and what you already own, you can spend anywhere from 3 to 5 dollars on the basic supplies. It is also fun to get creative and work with what various dollar spots and bargain places have in stock. Challenge yourself to take what they have and make something of it!





(Note here: this project was done for a 5 1/2 by 8 1/2 planner, which is fairly close to the A5 size. If you wish to do it for a different size, you will of course have to measure and plan accordingly.)

 1) For the first folder, the green one, I cut the front and back apart on the seam. Then I took the  front side, the one with the clear portion and the green trim, and folded it in half. This part can be tough, depending on how thick the material is, it might take you a little time and effort. Things like the smooth end of the scissor handles can help, or bone folders, or anything to help you run over the crease and get it to fold well. Try folding it both directions, to get it to crease better. Also, putting weight on it for a couple days can help too. It eventually will give way, so don’t worry if it seems hard to fold at first. This folder, as you can see from it’s sticker, came straight from Dollar Tree. They often have so many types to choose from. The best times of year to find more choices, are summer, and just before and during back to school time. I would then measure out and punch your holes in the first folder, before taping them together. It is just easier that way. Be careful what punch you use. Thicker plastic can break some hole punches. Unless you know your pricier multi-punch tool can handle it, I recommend using a cheaper single punch, in case it breaks, it is easier to replace. I think office supply stores will also hole punch things, though I am not positive, nor know if it costs anything.


Step 1 - Cut green folder in half

Step 1 - Then fold the half, in half










2) For the second folder, the red one, do the same and cut the front and back apart on the seam. I bought this particular folder at a Supermarket called Safeway, for 99 cents. Many stores carry ones like this. I loved how Christmassy red it was, yet was still see through. I also loved how it had pockets that would be open on one side, so that when I turned the cover, it would have an open top. In addition, it has the business card holder slits on both pockets, adding an extra place to insert things. After I cut the covers apart, I then measured and cut the one cover in half again, so as to get it the right size to tape to the other portion. **IMPORTANT: Make sure when you measure this portion, you plan on the inner foldout being slightly narrower so that when you fold/close it, it does not interfere with the punched holes on the other side, or being able to close the binder mechanism. Ideally, if you measure right, you should not need to punch this side. Then of course you just turn it so the pocket is on the side, and can be side or top loaded with items.  


Step 2 - Cut red folder in half

Step 2 - Then cut the half in half







3) You take your decorative tape, or just merely functional tape, and carefully place it down the side of the first folder, and line it up so that you can then take the second folder and carefully lay it down on the tape. Ideally you want the tape to half and half cover each side. Think of it as your binding. This might take some time and effort, depending on the kind of tape you use. Take your time and get it right, so it will hold up. If you find the tape is not staying down, I recommend using a glue to add reinforcement. I have not tried it yet, but perhaps a tacky glue. I don’t recommend hot glue as it will likely add bulk and perhaps mess up or melt your tape and/or plastic.


Step 3 - Bind both together with decorative tape

Step 3 - Bind both together with decorative tape








Make sure to make the tape binding thick enough to cover both sides and leave a slight space in between so that it will fold.


Step 3 - Bind both together with decorative tape



Step 3 - Bind both together with decorative tape




4) This is where I then cutout the cover of the sticker book and glued it down to the inside cover, and then glued the initial to the front, but of course add embellishments as you like them. I used a crazy glue type adhesive, but I am sure others would work. I would think spray adhesive should work, I like the 3M one, and perhaps even tacky glue. Then just add the rest of your embellishments. Stickers and post-its and clips oh my! Have fun with it and really make it appeal to what you would like to see each day, or just for the holidays.


Step 4 - Apply embellishments, I used a sticker cover book and stickers


Step 4 - Apply embellishments, I used a sticker cover book and stickers








Other Notes About My Decorating:

In addition to the above items, I chose a couple stationery items to either accent the fold out, or to put inside. I used a package of poster letters from Dollar Tree, and just glued the gold K to the front cover to give it more personalization. I then paper-clipped a beautiful Christmas/snowman-themed card to the inside of the front cover, to inspire me each time I looked at it. The inside of the card has some beautiful verses about believing and the spirit of the season. I can flip open the foldout, and then flip open the card anytime my spirits need to be lifted.

When I open the front cover, I have also clipped a red envelope to the inside to hold anything I like, such as a holiday card for journaling, or anything else I like, and a couple of post it pads for jotting quick notes. I just folded the flap of the envelope under to make it more like a pocket. You can also choose to adhere what you like to the outside or inside of the cover. I used the clip, so I can change things out when I like.

On the outside of the inner foldout, I cut off the cover of a Dollar Tree sticker book, and glued it down as I really loved the look of the gingerbread house. This thing was only meant to be the cover of the sticker book, but I thought it looked so cute as part of the embellishment. I loved how it had cut-outs to put things in the door and window. I merely covered the words at the bottom with extra stickers. Then I used the gingerbread man and present stickers to stick in the door and window. Doesn’t it make a nice addition to this foldout?

For the inside of the inner foldout, I just placed a blank journal card in the business card slot. But some ideas for things to put in there could be of course a business card, perhaps one to remind you of something you wish to buy, or an appointment card for a doctor, or an image of a loved one, or a index card, cut down to size, to write your thoughts. You could even insert a piece of mail to remind yourself to get sent out, just stick it in one or two corners only, since it won’t fit in all of them. I also placed a couple small sticky notes, and then another card to the inside of the pocket…perhaps for journaling, or anything you can think of. The middle flap, I am thinking I will eventually adhere down a notepad for quick note jotting.




That’s all there is to it!

Simply summed up, cutting two folders, folding and taping together, and then decorating. I went into detail in case there is anything specific anyone wanted to know. Definitely customize it to what you like. 

I might even make one of these for the spring, with some pastel folders, pretty floral tape for binding, and some butterfly, flowers, and of course, cat stickers to embellish.  I will be putting the above one right into my planner, likely at the very front.

I hope you liked this project, and enjoy making it as I did. 

There will be many more DIY’s, and I hope at least one more holiday one, before Christmas. I hope for them to be more timely than this one, but settling in has taken quite some time.

Have fun with your DIY, and hope you get to enjoy it on a budget too!


Let me know what you think below. If you make this yourself, I would love to see images and what you did!

Thanks for reading, and wishing you lots of fun and warmth this holiday season,

Kat :@



P.S. – A few more pictures for you:


Front cover


Inside, unfolded



Also, these are the links for the very talented people who inspired this creation. Thanks to them for their creativity, and please check them out too, as they came up with neat stuff: – DIY Filofax
Swing Pad – DIY Foldout
Planner Dashboard – Foldout workboard – DIY Folding
Kanban for Planner/Filofax – DIY Foldout Photo Pocket for Planner – DIY To-Do Board for




P.P.S… A little extra goodie for you washi tape nuts (like me)…an image of all my holiday washi tapes.  I love to find images like this to ogle over…so ogle away! Most of these I found at either Dollar Tree or Target Dollar Spot. 

Holiday Washi Collection

My holiday washi tape collection

Journal Find of the Week!

Look at what I found last night!

Find of the Week - Bargain Journal

You won’t believe what this lovely, holographic-cover-journal cost me!


This beautiful and stunning journal. Not only does it have that holographic type cover, and it is 8 inches in height by 6 inches in width, pretty pages with a scroll-like background on each, and an elastic band to help keep closed, but it was also dirt cheap! Ready for this?  An unbelievable 3 dollars! Okay, well 2.99. On one of the tags, it indicates it has an MSRP price of 9.50.

Inside pages of journal

Every page had a lovely scroll-work type background.


I found this at Burlington.  If you have not seen their nice selection of journals and stationery before, do go check it out, they have some real pretty choices. They also have lovely decorative boxes and music boxes. I have found some lovely stickie note sets, smaller journals, pads, photo albums, and some other assorted stationery products. They are often at prices which, to me, are a steal!

Find of the Week - Bargain Journal

This cover has a three dimensional/holographic look, though the picture does not show it that well. Its truly lovely!


The journal pictured here, is just one of many choices they had. Some had holographic type covers (the 3d kind) like this one, some had just pretty decorative covers, some had writing or quotes on the cover, some did not. Some had patterns, some with the writing, some were more religious in nature, some more inspirational. I even saw one that was specifically designed toward gratitude, and each page had several prompts about it. If money was not so tight for me, I would have wanted one of every kind, especially at those incredible prices. The images I am showing just do not do it justice. The cover looks so lovely in good light.

I truly am a journal junkie, and I am thrilled to add this to my collection. At three dollars, I feel like I got such a great deal. And it’s in my favorite color, purple to boot, with another favorite…butterflies! I love the quote on the cover, it very much suits what I need right now. Now I just have to figure out what to use it for, if I can actually bring myself to mark up these lovely pages.  =P

Feel free to leave comments below. Let me know if you ever find deals like this. Happy writing to you fellow journal lovers, and great wishes for a wonderful weekend for all,

Kat :@


More pictures for you:


Inside the cover

The second page is like an inner cover, its thicker and firm and protects the pages, and also has the lovely pattern and colors.


Find of the Week - Bargain Journal

The spiral rings are large, like I could probably attach a few things to the pages and still have it fit, and the rings are very sturdy.


Find of the Week - Bargain Journal

Another shot of the inside, and the fairly sturdy spiral rings.


Site Update – New Christmas Theme Today!

It took longer than I had hoped for, as acclimating myself now that I am home, has been rough and slow. I wanted this up at the start of the month, but since I only got back last week, this plan had been delayed. But, that’s okay, it’s done now, and one of my roughest tasks ever, is also done. I feel so relieved. So, here is my new Christmas theme. I like to try to include purple wherever, and whenever I can, as it’s just my color, so I thought it fit nicely. Rather than the typical red and green, I went for purple and green. I am loving it. And the best part of course, for me, is my little buddy adding his playful cuteness to the layout!

Hope you enjoy it, and as always, I hope for feedback. I like to know what are the strong points, and weak points, so I can improve.

Wishing all a wonderful week,

Kat  :@

Dreams and Dad (two of my four D day)

I have had my second cup, working on eating, and fed the precious fur babies. Now, onto part 2 for today:


My Dad when he was in the Air Force, set within a scan of a Christmas card he had sent my Mom in the 60's.

My Dad when he was in the Air Force, set within a scan of a Christmas card he had sent my Mom in the 60’s.


Dreams and Dad. I have been grieving my Dad passing in October, at least when I can fit it into my days. Its not been much, and I think it is catching up to me. Christmas is getting closer, and of course it makes me miss my parents even more. Holiday songs and decorations are everywhere, and they set in the nostalgia and waves of both smiles and sadness as I remember times I can never have again. I miss them both so much, I start to choke on the lump in my throat.  When I was at my father’s for the very last time, I saw he had beautiful Christmas card covers all over the front panels of his kitchen cabinets. Now, I can never look at another Christmas scene again, without my thoughts flooding to him. I dreamt of him last night. As dreams often do, it was weird, and thought provoking.

Mind you, as time has gone by, as typical, I have forgotten a lot of details. It its good to keep a dream journal, which I intend to do, so that you can write down the details as soon as you wake, and then revisit them later to contemplate. It is good to do this, as it opens up parts of our subconscious to explore and resolve. But, what I can remember has me thinking a lot.

In my dream, my father had died, but then we found out, that they were able to revive him and he was still alive, even though we knew it would not last long. It is my belief that people who die, often come back somehow in our dreams. It is also my belief that this is our subconscious way of resolving things with them, that perhaps we had not been yet able to.  We bring them back in our dream somehow which seems more feasible, and then go from there. This happened to me back when my mother died too. The way our dreams bring them back, often reflects how we feel about the death, or them at the time. For me, I was angry that my mother was taken. I was hurt that she suffered for so long, only to go in such a horrible way. (Again I might tell about that experience at another time.)  With my dad, yes I have run the gamut of the grief stages like anyone else, but mostly I am sad that he had to go, hurt that he did not take better care of himself, hurt that he did not wait for me to get there and say goodbye, and hurt that he never really did tell me that he ever approved of me, was proud of me, or ever really spent much time with me.

So, back to my dream, he had died, but been revived. We knew that he did not have much longer. I recall mostly varied images and confusing things going on, but next I recall seeing him dressed in a more dressy, more old-fashioned, yet somewhat western-feel outfit. I think we were all at some sort of gathering or dinner etc. During my time going through stuff where it has been stored, I came across many things in my Mom’s stuff, that she saved from my Dad, even though they had been divorced for something like 25 years before she had passed. I even found a card he had mailed to my mother before I was born, when my brother was just a toddler. It was written to mostly my brother, but also to her. I knew that this card would mean a lot to my brother. So I saved it, so that I can soon mail it out to him. In my dream, I knew at this event, I wanted to give it to him. So I first showed it to my Dad, and then was getting ready to give to my brother. I was waiting for J to arrive so he could see. My Dad really beamed when he saw it. Fast forward as I do not remember what happened in between, I saw my Dad laying down on something. He looked at me and smiled. At this point in the dream, I realized he had been dead and then came back, and he had this knowing about him, like he had seen things while there. Through his smiles, and fading eyes, he looked at me and said, “I know everything about you, I even know that you have 34 muscles in your face.” And then he passed away with the smiles on his face. That is all I remember.

I wonder now what this means. You see, in trying to come to terms with his death, I made a wish a couple weeks ago. I am not sure if I could call it a prayer or a wish, but I made it nevertheless. I wished that since he never told me he was proud of me, or made me feel like he was somehow, I wished that he would find a way to let me know he was, that he approved of me and my life, despite my ups and downs. I so badly need to know. I know he loved me, but you know how sometimes people can love you, but not like you? I have always wondered. I asked for a sign that he did, and asked if maybe, like my mother did, he could come to me in a dream and tell me. Of course, like most of my family, my Dad was always stubborn. I wonder if this dream was his way of letting me know, since it wasn’t done how I asked for. =P He did tell me he knew everything about me. Perhaps his way of letting me know he cared. Or perhaps my own way, of the more self-assured, wiser part of my subconscious letting me know, that he did care more than he showed. It is hard to say at this point, because I honestly don’t know what to believe. I only know three things right now. I know he loved me. I know I love him. And I know I miss him like crazy. What the rest means, I am not totally sure. But the dream did make me feel, oddly enough, somehow reassured and comforted. Maybe he does watch over me, maybe he does know where I am at and what I am doing. Maybe both my parents do.

Do any of you wonder about dreams like I do, and what they mean? I wonder if its a heavenly connection, if there is a heaven or afterlife, if they can see us, if they do follow our lives, and what it all means. I wonder if dreams are ever about connection with them. I wonder if dreams can ever be premonitions of the future, or keys to the past. I wonder if they are only collections of our subconscious and clues to our inner self. It is so cloudy and confusing at times to think about. I would love to hear what you think, or about dreams you have had.

I leave you with the above image, a conglomeration, if you will, of two precious things to me. One, of course, is an image of my father, when he was in the Air Force in the late 60’s. It was an image he took just for my mom, and sent it and several others on a sheet of paper. Under each image was a caption written to her, with things like, “Hello beautiful!” and things like that. I found this paper among my Mom’s things over the last few months. It will now be one of the most precious things I will ever own.  He used to write her tons of love letters and cards and such while in the service, all before I came along. So far, the letters have been lost, but I found at least a dozen cards to her, and this precious page of pictures and captions. I cannot begin to tell you what they mean to my heart. I feel complete gratitude for being born from so much love. And decades later, after divorce and disease had hit my mother, she still saved them deep in her drawers. Even my father told me many years later, how much he still and always will love my Mom. That, how they felt and the connection they had, mean everything to me. The other image above, is one from the front of a card he sent her in the late 60’s. I scanned both of these in and made this image above. I hope it does both of these people I am lucky enough to call Mom and Dad, justice.

Thank you for sharing this four D day/week with me. I feel it getting better already.  I honestly think even just writing about it here, is cathartic somehow.

I would love to hear your experiences, or perhaps even ones that you can relate to with my own. I would love to hear how any special dreams impacted you.

I am hopeful to add one of my gratitude posts tonight, as well as get working on that diy. I have to upload some images from my camera for it, and edit them and create the steps and post instructions etc. I also hope to start introducing you to a new section I am adding soon, having to do with getting back on my feet, getting back to work, and how you can help me figure out which direction I am taking to get there.

Meantime, I hope your holiday season is bringing you much warmth and love, and even if you do not celebrate anything, or celebrate something different, I still wish you much warmth and love,

Kat :@


P.S. I also hope to have a new Christmas theme on the site going tonight, if not tomorrow. Stay tuned! =)

Discouragement and Delays

This is a silhouette of Honey in the window, my other lovely kitty. This is the first thing I saw today as I sat down to the computer to write this post. So pretty and yet so thoughtful.

This is a silhouette of Honey in the window, my other lovely kitty. This is the first thing I saw today as I sat down to the computer to write this post. So pretty and yet so thoughtful.

It is the four D day, and well, it all started last week after I got home from my monumental project. It has been a week of discouragement and delays. The other two D’s I will get into next post.

Delays….we got the Uhual truck returned two days late.  That costs money we don’t really have to spare. It took us longer than we thought to get ourselves rested, find a storage unit to offload the stuff to, and get ourselves together.

Now I knew I/we would be tired when we got home, but wow, this hit me hard. I think I was just going on some sort of mental fumes the last couple months, especially since my Dad passed. I got back here last week after that long drive, and everything crashed. The emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental all just completely crashed in me. Each day that passed, I would sleep and could not get up. When I did get up, I felt sluggish and dragged my feet. So, I figured that my, well, everything, just needed it and slept a lot. That is why I did not post honestly. We were going crazy trying to get through getting a unit, get the truck unloaded, get basic things done like dinner, taking care of kitties, etc….and we just needed lots and lots of sleep.  I am hoping that stage has passed, but I am trying to be proactive to get myself going again.

A wonderful friend always reminds me, if you keep shuffling your feet, they can’t bury you. And of course, sometimes you just have to fake it, until you make it. Sometimes (well usually, just sometimes longer than others) that really works.  If you just keep faking it, and acting as if you will succeed, and going through motions to get to that place you want to be, and pretending that things are good, as long as you don’t ignore what important things need taking care of, within and without, very often it does actually get better. Positive energy does have a way of taking over as you use it. It is sort of like using muscles. The more you use them, the stronger they get.  So, for right now, I do admit I feel lousy, and discouraged, but I am going to keep shuffling my feet, and faking it, until I get there.

I know I have lost a few readers during my down time, but I hope that if there is anyone left, you will share this journey with me. I am finding that aspect more important than I thought it would be. I thought I was just doing this for myself, and yes I am to a large degree. But, I find a longing to share. I want to fall down and get up again with others. I don’t think anyone should have to endure trials alone. I want to share them with others. I want to learn with others. I want to become a better person, and I would like your input in getting there, but more importantly, I am finding more and more, that I want to give something to others. I am entering a stage where these strong urges to do for others is beginning to awaken. Mind you, they were always there, but when you enter very dark stages of your life, you tend to crawl within yourself. You pull the covers over your head, lick your own wounds, and go through these dark tunnels in your life.  It is my belief we all need these times, and it is okay to just take care of you. It is when you can put the mask on yourself first, that you can then help others. Well, I am coming toward a light at the end of these tunnels, I can feel it. And with that, I feel the need to help others. So, on that note, I am going to strive to look for the silver linings, the positive in all that happens to me, for both our benefits…the readers, and myself. I want to inspire others, to lift up and encourage, and I want to be a shoulder to lean on too. The other day, J’s mom was going to her vendor event (this tireless seventy-something woman is more active than me) to sell one of the two party-related items she sells.  I was tired and worn out and wanted to grab some food, a cup of tea, and snuggle under the covers for the night. But when I heard she was going, I had left my TV dinner in the microwave, grabbed my coat and a cup of coffee instead, and ran out the door with her to help. When we got to her event space, I helped her set up her table and such. I know it helped her a lot, and it really did lift me just to help someone else. I am learning, albeit slowly, never resist urges to help others. It is almost always win-win, even when you can’t see it.

The other night when we unloaded the truck into our 10 x 15 space, it took us from somewhere around 5 in the evening (we then spent the better part of an hour or two viewing the spots, facility, signing up for it, and chatting with the manager,) until about 1 in the morning. We were already tired, having not fully recovered from our trip. We spent roughly 6-7 hours on the road only two days before, on something like 6 hours sleep in two days. But let me back up for a moment. On Saturday night, we had only slept about 5 hours, as we had worked very late the night before wrapping things up. Then Sunday, we worked until about 5 or 6 in the morning getting the truck loaded and packing up the living space I had stayed in for the last three and a half months. Honestly, it was no different from any other move I have done, other than in duration. It just took way more than either of us thought.

When the truck (17 foot) was loaded, and we had packed up everything we could find that needed to go, and then packed up Milo into his cage, we were ready to go. We loaded the cage into the front seat of the cab with me, and he drove the car, and I drove the truck. Boy this was eerily familiar. Last time I did this, was three and a half years ago, except then it was 40 feet of train (my 26 ft. moving truck fully loaded up to the door, plus 15 ft car trailer with my car on it), and my senior kitty George in the front with me, and driving 3000 miles by myself. This time, it was a smaller truck, no trailer, a much younger, healthier kitty, and only 250 miles or so to drive. But it was no picnic this time either, that’s for sure. We had stopped only one time, at a rest stop, to nap for about 1 and a half to 2 hours, me in the truck, J in his car.  He had to work Monday, so this was grueling for him. We drove the rest of the way, and split off when he took a different road to work. He drove in to work his eight hour shift on only something like 6-7 hours sleep in over two days, and after lots of hard physical work. My poor sweetheart.  I finally got home, unloaded my kitty and the cab of the truck (had to save the rest of the contents until we had a unit) and so badly wanted to go to sleep. But I thought of my wonderful J working so hard on no sleep, and the sacrifices he made. So, I knew I had to make a few sacrifices too, for us both. I watched my kitties get reacquainted for a bit, and settled in. I then walked down the street to the supermarket to pick up a few things for dinner, feeling like I was going to fall over. I walked home with my bags of groceries, prepared dinner, and we ate when he got home, and then we both just about passed out.

Tuesday came, and some of the events of the day are literally a blur to me. We were that tired. I think aside from him working that day, we both just slept most of the time. Then on Wednesday, after work, we went out, found the unit, and worked until 1 in the morning or so to unload, dropped off the truck to the rental place, came home, had a quick bite to eat, and then he left for work again at around 5:30am. I think he slept about 2-3 hours that night. Ever since then, aside from running out to help his mother Friday night, and him working his day shift, we have just slept and slept. I am so glad he had Saturday and Sunday to sleep in and recover. I have so much to do here, but I just could not get myself moving. But, I am trying to not be too hard on myself, and realize, I just needed it.

Come Monday, I thought I would be feeling better, but I realized, discouragement had set in. I looked around the house at all the stuff he has brought back here over the last few months, and the mess it was in. I thought about the storage unit I had up here, and the one still down there that were both filled with stuff to go through. I thought about the fact that because of the mess the house is in, and that it was not ready for company, that it would be yet another Christmas I could not do at home, and it made me so very sad. It has been quite a few years since I did anything for Christmas at home. Between all I had lost, moving across country, giving up for a couple years (I had just shut down and basically quit living, except for breathing and eating), and now the disarray that is relocating once again, it just is not feasible.  Plus, my Dad passing away in October is really starting to hit me, and all the obstacles I have yet to get through.

So, with all the delays, the discouragement setting in, I am at the point where I look around and say, “now what?” Well, leave it to me, I sit down at the computer, and of course go to Pinterest (I am such an addict of that site) and plug in…guess what?  Yup, the word discouragement! I truly do like to see other people’s perspective on things, so I can keep a realistic and balanced focus. The news and other social media can be too depressing or immersed with bad news stories, and for some reason, Pinterest seems to be largely laden with eye candy, people’s impressions of aesthetics, and lots of hopes and dreams. It’s the hopes and dreams part that appeals to me.

The returns I got were mostly inspirational quotes. And inspiration is definitely what I need. Three in particular caught my eye, and that is what I am going to focus on, especially this week. The first is, “Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged people who kept on working.” That is for sure where I am at. I am very tired, and very discouraged, and like I said above, I am just going to move forward and fake it for now. The second is, “Don’t get discouraged, things will work out,” which not only is good advice, but leads back to the dream I had of my mother after she died (a long story for another day,) where she came to me and told me everything was going to be okay. Whether this was just a dream, or really her, I know it is how she felt, and what she would want me to take strength from. So, I remember that and take heart from it, when I need it most.  So, stumbling onto that quote so quickly, tells me, that it as much as ever, applies now. And third, was a quote from a woman I admire and have loved as long as I can remember, Lucille Ball.  “One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.”  I truly admire women of strength, and while I think it actually does help to allow yourself to feel how you feel, even if it is discouraged, I do however think that I/we can’t allow ourselves to live in any negative emotions for too long, or it does become a way of life. It is a painful and hard choice, but rewarding one, if we make the conscious choice to live in positives places, but to give yourself a break, when you take temporary detours down the negative ones.  I do wholeheartedly agree that keeping busy and trying to make optimism a way of life is good for one’s self.  That is my primary goal right now, to make optimism a way of life. I believe in my heart of hearts, all the rest will follow.

I was starting to take a turn for the better last night, and feel some energy to get up, go out with J, and go get the battery replaced in my Ipod, and then stop by the mall to take some Christmas scenery shots with my camera. It is one of my goals to pursue all the things I love doing, until one of them pans out into something I can do with success, and hopefully to generate some income. So we first went to his brother’s place of work, so the two of them could work on replacing the battery. Mine is an Ipod 4th generation touch. After what happened last night, I am not sure I will ever buy an “I” product again, no less an apple product. Here is where discouragement came to visit me again.

Both J and his brother are skilled in mechanical things. His brother works with software and hardware for a company for 15 years now, and even puts together circuit boards. J works with multiple massive machines at his company, using both the machines and the computers that drive them.  That does not even account for his impressive skills with all things machine and problem-solving abilities. The two of them together, worked on replacing the battery in my Ipod. After watching a bunch of how to videos, and bringing up a few step-by-step sites with detailed instructions, they started by using a low temp heat gun to loosen the adhesive on the unit, to pry it open. It took a long amount of time, a good hour or so, and lots of contortions, but they finally got it open. Another hour or so later, and they finally got the new battery in. They followed everything the videos and sites recommended. But, I was heartbroken to come to find, the touch screen was damaged, and would not work. So much is on that thing. I took many photos, some videos, and lots of notes and things. It is like a mini-computer, and when you lose a computer, well, you can imagine how upset I was. Nevertheless, I was gracious to his brother for trying, and we went home. But, so much has happened, I have had so many stumbling blocks, and I am so tired, that it was just a small straw dropped on a huge pile of difficulties, and I broke down crying last night. We never did get to the mall, and I pretty much cried myself to sleep.

I cannot believe that company would make any product so hard to get into and replace a simple battery. If I can help it, I will never buy another product of theirs again. When J’s brother showed me his Galaxy, and how easy it was to pop open the back and throw in another battery, I knew that it was the way it should be, and will likely look into buying an alternative the next time.

So, today is a new day. I slept in very late, about 1 or so, but finally got up, and set out to accomplish anything. I am going on one cup of coffee now, need to feed my kitties and get myself my first meal of the day, and a second cup of coffee, but at least I am started on a new post, a new day, and trying to attain a new outlook. I AM going to do this, I am going to keep shuffling my feet and move forward.

I had a dream about my Dad. It was pretty profound. I will go into it in my next post, after food and another cup of coffee. I am working with a lot of discouragement right now, but I am going to keep working my way out of it. It has been a long week of delays and discouragement, but I hope any of you have hung in there with me. This metamorphosis is going to be long and painful, but it is my hope you will share it with me, the ups and the downs, and in the end, I hope we can all come out of it with something good.

Have you suffered discouragements lately? Is there anything you were able to do to help you recover from them? What do you strive to do most when you feel this way? I really would love for you to share. I would like to be inspired by you, and likewise inspire you as well. Let me know in the comments below.

Hope your day/week/month is going well, and you have encouragements to keep you going, when it gets rough.

All My Best To You,

Kat :@

It’s The Four D Day!

I am going to break it down into two posts, since it covers somewhat two different sets of things. But I found it interesting that today the letter D is resonating, and in four.  It’s a day/week of discouragement, delays, dreams, and Dad. It starts of pretty sad, but, as it often does, gets better.